Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum  

Go Back   Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum > Non Cigar Specialty Forums > Misc > Jokes

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-01-2012, 09:10 PM   #1
Ogre
****CENSORED****
 
Ogre's Avatar
7
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
First Name: Larry
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 12,068
Trading: (46)
Montecristo
Ogre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant future
Default New Math & Statistics

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
__________________
__________________
Ogre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2012, 09:13 PM   #2
kelmac07
Resident Maduro Whore!!
 
kelmac07's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
First Name: Mac
Location: Newport News, VA
Posts: 27,322
Trading: (218)
Bolivar Army (Retired)
kelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: New Math & Statistics

__________________
Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"
kelmac07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2012, 09:34 AM   #3
Skywalker
BABOTL
 
Skywalker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Dice
Location: Galaxy Far Far Away
Posts: 10,168
Trading: (18)
Partagas
Skywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud of
Default Re: New Math & Statistics

I read this!
__________________

Smoke what you like!!!
Skywalker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2012, 09:46 AM   #4
Steve
Dad Jokester Supreme
 
Steve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Steve
Location: 17 R 435648 3354895
Posts: 7,715
Trading: (6)
HdM
Steve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud of
Default Re: New Math & Statistics

__________________
...So don't sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied,
Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance that tide
Steve is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2012, 09:57 AM   #5
Remo
C.I.A
 
Remo's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
First Name: Mike
Location: Palm Harbor, Florida
Posts: 12,597
Trading: (122)
Partagas
Remo has a brilliant futureRemo has a brilliant futureRemo has a brilliant futureRemo has a brilliant futureRemo has a brilliant futureRemo has a brilliant futureRemo has a brilliant futureRemo has a brilliant futureRemo has a brilliant futureRemo has a brilliant futureRemo has a brilliant future
Default Re: New Math & Statistics

Aint it the truth
__________________
Remo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2012, 09:58 AM   #6
irratebass
EMPEROR TOMPKINS
 
irratebass's Avatar
1
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
First Name: Mickey
Location: Mooresville, Indiana
Posts: 8,313
Trading: (48)
ERdM
irratebass is a splendid one to beholdirratebass is a splendid one to beholdirratebass is a splendid one to beholdirratebass is a splendid one to beholdirratebass is a splendid one to beholdirratebass is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: New Math & Statistics

Wow! There is some truth in this post heh.
__________________
http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/t/o/totoka.gif
irratebass is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2012, 10:02 AM   #7
Steve
Dad Jokester Supreme
 
Steve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Steve
Location: 17 R 435648 3354895
Posts: 7,715
Trading: (6)
HdM
Steve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud ofSteve has much to be proud of
Default Re: New Math & Statistics

That Larry can be a pretty smart fella
__________________
...So don't sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied,
Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance that tide
Steve is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-2012, 01:57 PM   #8
LigaPrivadaT84
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: New Math & Statistics

  Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-2012, 02:38 PM   #9
Powers
Swamp Ash member in exile
 
Powers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
First Name: Michael
Location: Fayetteville, Arkansas
Posts: 2,283
Trading: (17)
Bolivar
Powers is a name known to allPowers is a name known to allPowers is a name known to allPowers is a name known to allPowers is a name known to allPowers is a name known to all
Default Re: New Math & Statistics

That's great
__________________
"There is true glory and true honor: the glory of duty done, the honor of integrity and principle" - Robert E. Lee
Powers is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:42 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All content is copyrighted jointly by Cigar Asylum and the content provider.