Cremosa Cubanos: A Journey

[icehog3]

Originally Posted by pnoon

Nice review and pictures.
Although, Da Klugs original (and classic) review on these gems was one for the ages.

If we are lucky, he can dig it up for us.

For those of you who weren't on CS back in 2005, Dave had a contest to see which cigar was worse, a Cremosa or a Tamboril. This was my entry after trying both cigars:

Tamboril

I decide to smoke the Tamboril in the parking garage near where I work. Pulling the cigar from its cellophane jail, I swear I have seen this cigar before. Finally, it comes to me…it is just the same as the Cuban Cohibas I bought from the guy walking the beach in Cancun last summer. A squeeze reveals a spongy construction, much like a contraceptive sponge prior to insertion.

Pre-light draw

The pre-light draw is a taste to remember…its what I imagine sucking powdered goat feces through a straw made of petrified moose $hit might taste like. I contemplate quitting the contest and sending Dave back his extra smokes, but decide that if I can have a root canal with no anesthesia, I can smoke this cigar.

The smoke

As I toast the end, the smell of the Killing Fields of Cambodia is what I perceive. All the pain and torture endured there seems only slightly worse than the experience I am beginning. The first draw fills my mouth with smoke that would be better suited for a fire at a tire factory, but I press on, knowing that I must help Dave find some answers to his dilemma. My head begins to pound like a headboard in a Ginger Lynn movie, but I puff again, trying to keep the smoke in and the bile down. The cigar is burning sideways and fast, and finally I can take no more. I see a homeless man walking by in his filthy clothes, and I ask him to spit in my mouth to take away the taste of the Tamboril. He obliges and the stale taste of Mad Dog 20/20 and Virginia Slims is a welcome change. I offer him the remainder of the cigar as a reward for his kind gesture, and he slugs me square in the mouth. The mixture of my own blood and the Mogan David remain with me on my journey home for the second part of my adventure.

Cremosa

I take the Cremosa out of its wrapper, and am immediately overwhelmed by the scent of Miss Locascio’s house. Miss L was the woman on our block with 72 cats, 3 ferrets and a nasty flatulence problem. The cigar feels harder than the mattress at the Motel 6 and has the same color as the middle of horrorview’s prescription thong.

Pre-light draw

The pre-light draw feels looser than an Irish hooker on St Patrick’s Day. I long for the taste of spit and blood again as I taste the rancid pork washed down with spoiled milk flavor that the Cremosa offers.I shudder as I reach into my pocket for my lighter. As I contemplate my next move, Chevy Chase appears on my shoulder…”See the cigar, hog….be the cigar”….I flick my bic.

The smoke

The smell of the cigar is a familiar one….the smoke smells like the water that leaks out of a dumpster behind a Mexican restaurant on a 95 degree day. My head swims with irrational thoughts….”should I slit my wrists?”….”should I eat a bullet?”…..”should I watch 'American Idol'?”. Finally, sanity creeps back in, and I rush to the sink. No time for the Drew Estates Dave included as a palate cleanser, I reach for the Liquid Plumber and greedily chug from the bottle. The second degree burns scorching my tongue bring welcome relief from the taste of the Craposa. In the ambulance, the paramedic asks ”what is that rancid pork and spoiled milk smell on your breath”, even as he stabilizes my vital signs. I will live, he tells me, and by the way, he found my cigar and saved it for me. I wonder if they will have any sharp items in my hospital room?

So the loser… or the winner…of the worst of the worst…Cremosa. Thanks a lot Dave…I will send you the hospital bills.

[Coz77]

Nice read Tom! That was hilarious!!

[jonharky]

I missed the cherries jubilee?? damn...I don't think my stomach could handle that after the cremosa

[newcigarz]

Originally Posted by pnoon

Although, Da Klugs original (and classic) review on these gems was one for the ages.

If we are lucky, he can dig it up for us.

I think this was it

Originally Posted by Da Klugs

Were talking hand rolled and proportedly 100% tobacco.
We talk a lot about the best well to have a best there must be a worst.

For me it was a bundle I bought at CI 50 for $ 39.00

Cremosa Cubana

Heres a quick review: (Hey its my first how appropriate)

The pre light aroma reminded me of the smell you get when you wash your dog. After cutting the head I noticed a slight unraveling which I corrected with licking. The taste from licking probably was similar to the wet dog but I have no frame of reference.

The prelight draw was loose and emparted a flavor of rotten meat. Upon lighting I noticed a strong dirty diaper odor followed by hints of effluent.

The burn was political - all down one side or the other. I tried to correct but didnt want to put my tongue on any other part of the stick.

As I aproached the 1/2 way point the cigar actually looked embarrassed, each side of the cigar had these little flaps curling out like shrugging shoulders.

Just past the 1/2 way point it started to tunnel and almost burned my lips.

I put it out and threw the other 49 away. No one deserves these.

Speculation on manufacturing method:

The Wrapper they say is Sumatra. It must have floated over on its own cause it dont taste like any tobacco I've every smoked.

They say these have Dominican Long-fillers maybe some kind of vegetable. Possibly once they have made real had rolled cigars, taken the scraps and made short filler, the remainder they gather up, boil into a guey paste, roll it out into thin sheets, let it dry and thats the long filler they mean here.

Truly the pinnicle of bad.

http://www.cigarsinternational.com/p...em=CS-CZ&cat=3

[Buena Fortuna]

The new avitar is up! w00t! w00t!

Thanks Da Klugs

[atlharp]

Anus Mundi? Ah the Cremosa.......I think I remember Ron giving one of these to The Butcher a while back. It's flavor is legendary, kind of like the first time you eat bad sushi

One of the funniest posts I have read in a while......

ATL

Crap, I have one of the Cremosas in my humi. Guess it's going to the compost pile.

[pnoon]

Originally Posted by Bucking W

Crap, I have one of the Cremosas in my humi. Guess it's going to the compost pile.

Why ruin a good compost pile?

[Emjaysmash]

Check out the Blind Taste Test thread. Deadrise just smoked one and didn't even know!

[icehog3]

Originally Posted by pnoon

Why ruin a good compost pile?

"It tastes like 'burning' ".

[backwoods357]

Originally Posted by icehog3

"It tastes like 'burning' ".

One of my favorite Ralph quotes.

Sneaking a cremosa in a blind taste test, ouch.

[Savor the Stick]

Originally Posted by Emjaysmash

Check out the Blind Taste Test thread. Deadrise just smoked one and didn't even know!

yeah but it had 4 years sealed in 2 ziplock baggies....Maybe that's what they need?.

Originally Posted by icehog3

"It tastes like 'burning' ".

You not gonna eat that are you?

This is hilarious. Trying to explain it to my wife is difficult, as she is not a cigar fan by any means. She doesn't get the humor.

I, on the other hand, love it.

THanks for the laughs and dissuading others from ruining their palate from smoking toxic cigars.