Stupid knows no bounds.

[shilala]

Appears I'll be spending the day in bed. This is a good story that pretty much typifies the depth of and width and breadth of my retardation, so bear with me.
I have a neurological disorder that makes all my muscles contract, then doesn't allow them to retract. I take tons of pills that keep it mostly in check, which is totally awesome, and I thank the Good Lord for it every day.*
There's just one hitch, I cannot ingest potassium. I have to read every label, and watch for it everywhere. It's not even a big deal. A little doesn't matter, I just have to stay away from "lots of potassium" stuff, like soft drinks, diet "vitamin water", anything with weird potassium chemical derivatives.
So fast forward to yesterday...
Aunt Beverly brought one of those graham cracker deserts with 3 inches of cool whip and sprinkles on top to the Super Bowl party we hosted.
I saw my daughter passing out plates and asked her, "Fix up your old Dad". So she got my a giant pile, and i pounded it in my face at light speed. I remember thinking, "mmmmmmmmmm, these bananas aren't even mooshy. Aunt Beverly must have got bananas just a few days ago cause they're just right"
Then Lisa said, "Isn't that bananas?", to which I replied, "ya, baby. Want some?"
She declined. A bit later while I'm stomping the second giant pile in my face, Lisa says "Is that more of that banana stuff?, to which I replied, "oh, yeah, baby, It is SO good!!!"
A little while later, I started gimping around while we were cleaning up. I made a comment to her about it, and she said "You had two plates of bananas, what do you expect? You're really gonna pay tomorrow."
At that very moment is when it occurred to me that banana desert contained bananas.*
Then I said "Why'd you let me eat that crap, you know I can't eat that stuff?" (That's the old "divert attention and shift the blame" technique. Lisa is too smart, it doesn't work, but I'm compelled to try it out occasionally, anyways.)
Her answer was "I asked you if there bananas in there."
That's when I explained to her that it never occurred to me for a moment that banana desert actually contained bananas. I'm not sure she really believes I'm that stupid, but here I am before God and my brothers exclaiming "Yes, Martha, I'm that freaking stupid."
Fortunately she was good enough to fetch me a green pill a little while ago which are my emergency pills that'll keep my muscles from tearing up my joints and ruining me for a week. I'll spend the day all doofy from green pills watching SpongeBob.

The proper response to this story is not "Sorry, Scott, get better soon."
I'm thinking something more on the lines of "damn, man, you're about as sharp as a rubber band" would be far more appropriate.

And so I haven't completely wasted your time, here's an interesting fact. Prunes have way more potassium than bananas. I just found that out a couple weeks ago. Fortunately I didn't eat them. I now treat them as if they're toxic waste.

[hotreds]

I think it's actually a reaction to the "Go Steelers " under your avatar.

Feel better soon, brother!

[icehog3]

Stupid sexy bananas.

Feel better, Scott. (Sorry, I had to.)

[pektel]

Originally Posted by shilala

I'll spend the day all doofy from green pills watching SpongeBob.

Doofy?


Spongebob ain't too bad. I have a 3 year old who LOVES the show, so naturally I watch a good amount of it with him.

[Blindjimme]

Gee Scott, that was dum. D - U - M, dum. Stay away from prunes, too

[kelmac07]

Goober!!! Two plates?? Really??

[68TriShield]

There are actually Bananas in a Banana dessert? Go figure

Damn, are you stupid, or what? I'd vote for the "or what" option, as it'd be an insult to stupid people, otherwise.

Hope you feel better soon, and remember that banana desserts usually contain bananas. Though someday soon, I'm sure someone will come up with a banana-less banana dessert. Just for you.

[landhoney]

Originally Posted by shilala

Prunes have way more potassium than bananas. I just found that out a couple weeks ago. Fortunately I didn't eat them. I now treat them as if they're toxic waste.

No known neurological disorders here and I still treat them like this.

The question is, was the dessert worth it?
Pills and SpongeBob don't sound to bad to me.
Seriously though, glad you're OK.

[J0eybb]

[taltos]

Scott, I am going to print this thread and use you as an example of how Steelers fans are sharp as a bowling ball. Hope that you feel better soon.

[Subvet642]

Sorry, Scott, get better soon. My aunt always told me that the lessons learned hardest are the ones learned best. Besides, bananas and Cool Whip are just too hard to resist.

[Ogre]

I guess we have to put labels on Bananas warning people that they contain potassium. LOL. sorry to hear you have to spend the day in bed. Take care brother.

[14holestogie]

u r dum.

[taltos]

Just one last warning Scott; cigars are known to contain tobacco.

[gvarsity]

You crack me up. I'll give you stoopid but feel better anyway. LOL!

[Sled Dog]

Anybody want to try to guess what color Oranges are?

[newcigarz]

[CigarNut]

Here you go:

Common foods with more potassium per serving are baked potatoes with 1081 milligrams per medium potato, bananas with 594 milligrams per one cup (297 per half cup), lima beans with 955 milligrams per cup (477.5 per half cup) and pinto beans with 800 milligrams per cup.

In the fruit department five dates or two dried figs have 271 milligrams, cantaloupe has 494 milligrams per one cup, orange juice has 496 milligrams per cup, pears have 208 milligrams each medium pear and one nectarine has 288 milligrams of potassium.

Milk or yogurt at 407 (for skim milk) to 579 milligrams, for plain yogurt, of potassium per cup. Cooked greens such as spinach (839 milligrams per cup) or tomato sauce (909 milligrams per cup).

Brussel sprouts, carrots, melons, winter squash, papaya, baked sweet potato (with the skin), cooked mushrooms, lentils and artichokes all have 500 or more milligrams of potassium per serving. Baked or broiled salmon, dark meat turkey and lean beef also contain 500 to 600 milligrams of potassium per 6 ounce, or dinner meal, serving.

Salt substitute has approximately 356 milligrams of potassium per one quarter teaspoon. There are also sports drinks available, in flavors like grape, orange, strawberry, lemon-lime, sour melon or cherry, that have added potassium.

[357]

Sorry Scott. Hope you feel better.


BTW, head's up for kiwi, cantaloupe, or OJ (especially if he has a knife).