jokes

Girl talk

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.
After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes.
Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday, at the end of the work day, I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so turned on that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'

The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps.. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!'

The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, "Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'''

________________________________

one offs


Refreshingly silly

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2.Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive...'

3.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

4.A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food in here.'

5.A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6.A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:'A
beer please, and one for the road.'

7.Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the ot her: 'Does this
taste funny to you?'

8.A man complains, 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'''That's the Tom Jones Syndrome,' explains the doc.
'Is it common?' asks the man. 'It's Not Unusual,' says the doc.

9.Two cows are standing in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' said Dolly. 'It's true, no bull!' exclaimed Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.

11. Deja Moo:The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do?' 'Let's have a look at him.' says the vet. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'Just because he'scross-eyed?' asks the man. 'No, because he's really heavy,' says the vet.

13.I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

14. I went to the butcher's and wanted to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

15. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too!

17. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

18. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,
'DAM!'

[md4958]

[G G]

Good stuff.