Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum  

Go Back   Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum > Non Cigar Specialty Forums > Misc > Jokes

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-11-2014, 02:52 PM   #1
jhedrick83
GO VOLS!
 
jhedrick83's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
First Name: Jesse
Location: Knoxville
Posts: 402
Trading: (0)
jhedrick83 is on a distinguished road
Default Weight Loss Program

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 lbs that week.
jhedrick83 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2014, 03:09 PM   #2
Dave128
Sexy Dave
 
Dave128's Avatar
3
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
First Name: Dave
Location: Voorheesville, NY
Posts: 3,922
Trading: (4)
Dave128 is just really niceDave128 is just really niceDave128 is just really niceDave128 is just really nice
Default Re: Weight Loss Program

__________________
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin
I "heart" Boobies and Beer!
Dave128 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2014, 03:11 PM   #3
Blueface
Gramps 4x's
 
Blueface's Avatar
4
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Horatio Seymore Hiny
Location: Boca Raton - North of La Habana
Posts: 8,774
Trading: (8)
Bolivar
Blueface has disabled reputation
Default Re: Weight Loss Program

__________________
Little known fact: I am a former member of the Village People - The Indian
Blueface is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2014, 03:24 PM   #4
RobR1205
Starting a new chapter
 
RobR1205's Avatar
1
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
First Name: Rob
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,158
Trading: (19)
HUpmann Army (Disabled Vet)
RobR1205 has a spectacular aura aboutRobR1205 has a spectacular aura aboutRobR1205 has a spectacular aura about
Default Re: Weight Loss Program

RobR1205 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2014, 03:25 PM   #5
big_jaygee
I'm nuts for the place
 
big_jaygee's Avatar
9
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
First Name: Jason
Location: Houston
Posts: 3,914
Trading: (59)
big_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to beholdbig_jaygee is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Weight Loss Program

big_jaygee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2014, 04:04 PM   #6
CigarNut
F*ck Cancer!
 
CigarNut's Avatar
16
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
First Name: Michael
Location: Clermont, Florida
Posts: 18,042
Trading: (111)
RA
CigarNut has disabled reputation
Default Re: Weight Loss Program

__________________
Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags?

2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.
CigarNut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2014, 04:05 PM   #7
Heavy_d
Feeling at Home
 
Heavy_d's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
First Name: Derek
Location: Eastern, KY
Posts: 878
Trading: (1)
Heavy_d will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Weight Loss Program

__________________
"maybe it's like becoming one with the cigar. You lose yourself in it; everything fades away" -Raul Julia
Heavy_d is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2014, 04:15 PM   #8
Dude Here
I'm the Dude...Man!
 
Dude Here's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
First Name: Steve
Location: Texas
Posts: 671
Trading: (3)
Army (Served With Honor)
Dude Here will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Weight Loss Program

Hahahahahaha!!!!! Holy crap, that is awesome!
__________________
Dude Here is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 12:37 PM   #9
kelmac07
Resident Maduro Whore!!
 
kelmac07's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
First Name: Mac
Location: Newport News, VA
Posts: 27,322
Trading: (218)
Bolivar Army (Retired)
kelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Weight Loss Program

__________________
Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"
kelmac07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:17 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All content is copyrighted jointly by Cigar Asylum and the content provider.