Parents: help needed

[pektel]

So, my 3 year old has developed a love of the word "f*cker" whenever he's upset. I have let foul language slip VERY rarely around him, but have never used that particular word. Mostly my slips have been when stubbin the toe, or when we are driving and someobe cuts me off. He primarily uses it when he is upset with either myself or his mom by calling us a "f*cker".

I'm sure it's not the first time someone has had a problem like this. Just wondering how anyone has squashed the issue. It's becoming very frustrating for me. He will be 4 in august.

Any suggestions are appreciated.
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[ashtonlady]

Can you try and make him understand what the word means and when it should be used?

[Ogre]

Good luck Bro. Thats a tough age to reason with.

[awsmith4]

I have a 4yr old boy who had a similar issue. I tried ignoring him, I tried calmly explaining, one day I lost it and whooped his backside. He has never said it since.

Originally Posted by ashtonlady

Can you try and make him understand what the word means and when it should be used?

This is what I did with my daughter when she was around the same age. I was listening to a Godsmack song and didn't realize they were about to say f*ckin' until it happened. My daughter asked what that meant and I explained what was explained to me by a great friend of mine years ago when I said it for everything. I explained to her about how it can be used to place emphasis in certain situation but if used all of the time it loses its meaning and just gives the user the image of having a foul mouth. I also explained that if used very sparingly, it could help get a point across. She understood and other words came up on occasion. This seems to have worked for me.

Only once in the last year or two did I hear her start saying damn for everything. I reminded her of our talk, and a certain person that emulates that behavior, and she stopped because she didn't want to be seen that way.

I hope this helps.

[CoreyD]

calmly sit him down and through a talk point out healthy ways to get our feelings or frustrations out. Worked with my kid. and we have fun words when we stub the toe or get shot on xbox.

[junkinduck]

My mom beat my a55 and washed my mouth out with soap. Ivory if remember correctly.

[Patrick B]

I have always done well with clearly detailed consequences to misbehaving followed up with unwavering, swift application of said consequences when needed. Kids will continue to do what they get away with. Give him a tough punishment next time, and that should be the last next time.

[Eleven]

The definitive answer:

Sentence Enhancers

[mash]

3 year olds aren't philosophy majors. I would just tell her it is a bad word and she isn't allowed to use it. You can explain it more when she's older.
Where do you think she's picking it up from?

[G G]

Originally Posted by junkinduck

My mom beat my a55 and washed my mouth out with soap. Ivory if remember correctly.

Yeah Don, same thing happened to me.

[Skywalker]

Just went through it myself!

We told our like guy that he could say other words instead!

We gave him examples! "Oh fiddlesticks!" It made it funny and gave him a positive rather than a negative!

If that doesn't work you can always slap the f**k out of him!!!

[kelmac07]

Good 'ole fashion butt whoppin' is what I remember getting and the soap in the mouth as well.

[GolfNut]

Soap, whippin...yup I had all of those too.

Our son at that time used to say Fire-f@ck Fire-F@ck everytime he saw a firetruck go by. Funny stuff really......then there was the embarrassing Easter dinner with friends when our daughter announced celebrating the re-erection of Christ. We all pretty much lost it around the table that night.

[pektel]

Thanks for all the input, guys. I had tried rationalizing with him, but that didn't work. He is 3 after all lol. Time outs only produced a giant series of F bombs screamed at teh top of his lungs (which is when he got spanked for it the first time.) The spanking has worked somewhat, but hasn't squashed the issue. Haven't tried soap yet. Maybe that will work. also, substituting sounds like a great idea. I'll give that a shot next.

The biggest underlying problem may be attention seeking. I feel that the age of smart phones has people less interactive with each other. I'm sure it takes a toll on the kids. So last night I sat down with the gf and we came to an agreement of NO PHONE STUFF (except actual calls) whenever we are around the kids. I actually think this will help. Because kids crave attention, whether positive or negative. If we aren't responding because in the middle of an email, or reading facebook, or whatever, he may actually be drawing negative attention for attention's sake.

Originally Posted by awsmith4

I have a 4yr old boy who had a similar issue. I tried ignoring him, I tried calmly explaining, one day I lost it and whooped his backside. He has never said it since.

Originally Posted by junkinduck

My mom beat my a55 and washed my mouth out with soap. Ivory if remember correctly.

Originally Posted by kelmac07

Good 'ole fashion butt whoppin' is what I remember getting and the soap in the mouth as well.

Originally Posted by GolfNut

Soap, whippin...yup I had all of those too.

This approach, if done correctly, will work for SOME kids. For some it does the complete opposite and causes serious damage to relationships. I'll give you two personal examples of where it didn't work.

All of my life I have had horrible allergy/sinus issues. When I was a child my doctor said I had the worse case of allergies he'd seen in any man, woman, or child. So, I've always had a little "snort" of sorts. If I don't snort I can't breathe right. Well, sitting in my 1st grade class in Catholic school the nun teaching it would tell me not to do that. I couldn't stop. She proceeded to hit me with a ruler/yard stick across the hands. I didn't like that and after several of her attempts to correct my "behavior" I told the old b!tch to f*ck off. She proceeded to wash my mouth out with soap. Well, I couldn't do anything physically to this hooded bully, so I cussed her out as much as I could until I was suspended. My parents took me out of the school soon afterward. As for the nun, she was supposed to represent God. Because of her actions, and the constant sermons of Hell, Satan, and punishment, I began to associate God with anger, hate, and abuse. I never looked back at the Catholic church once I left and only returned to God 20 years later after hearing the loving side of the story and witnessing some of the finer points of some believers actions.

Now that I typed it out I'll PM the second example so that it's not hanging out on the interweb forever for everyone to see.

The point is, physical discipline works for some and not for others, physical punishment for none, and physical discipline can actually make one associate you in a way that you don't want. The reason it works for some is measurable psychologically, but I won't go into that, but it can cause far more harm than good.

[MajorCaptSilly]

When a 3-year-old sees a reaction of any kind from their parents to anything they have said, they keep saying it to keep getting the reaction. Ignore it when he says the f-word and make sure not to use it around him.

MCS

[justonemorestick]

Whippin always worked for me but now I use f%#* as a punctuation mark. So not sure what will come of it.

If all else fails I think there is a thread about a kid in a cage on here.

[CoreyD]

My parents did the physical stuff, as I got educated older I learned it may help smack someone when he's doing something wrong or when angry so I am a talk guy. you have to talk at their language I lucked out I had a bright young kid in his terrible age and I was able to communicate with him and never raised me hand or soap.

[MrsSledn]

I guess I am lucky with time outs still working to a degree. My son has had a few slips of the tongue. Once, I was in the bedroom while my son was sitting in the living room. He was watching something on TV and I heard him swear. I gave it a second so I could process and get over what I heard. LOL I called him up and asked him what he just said. DENY is all he did. And then it turned into the ramifications of lieing. He fessed up that he said it and BEGGED me to NOT tell his dad. "Please don't tell Dad! Please, please, please..." Well Dad was told. He got talked to from both of us. He got a time out. We also have a bad word jar. He had to pay $2.00 to the jar. Which he hates paying into especially when his father doesn't... Which is a whole nother conversation... LOL

He does know it's wrong. And there have been maybe 4 times in 2 or 3 years where he has slipped.