Tom's Scrotum....

BigAsh · 11-08-2018, 07:59 AM

Tom's scrotum - The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife.......

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirm uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is "sternum."

Steve · 11-08-2018, 08:02 AM

(for the record, I was really scared to open this thread...)

CigarNut · 11-08-2018, 08:02 AM

icehog3 · 11-08-2018, 10:40 AM

Thank goodness this was not a Troop Auction thread......

icehog3 · 11-08-2018, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

Thank goodness this was not a Troop Auction thread......

….and that it was a bicycle wreck and not a fall in the shower....

massphatness · 11-08-2018, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

….and that it was a bicycle wreck and not a fall in the shower....

Given the bicycle angle, the thread title would have been Rob's Scrotum

icehog3 · 11-08-2018, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by massphatness

Given the bicycle angle, the thread title would have been Rob's Scrotum

Touché.

Tio Gato · 11-08-2018, 01:54 PM

Great one Keith!

croatan · 11-09-2018, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

Thank goodness this was not a Troop Auction thread......

I was all ready to bid, too

icehog3 · 11-09-2018, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigAsh

Stay tuned....

Quote:

Originally Posted by croatan

I was all ready to bid, too

Flynnster · 11-08-2018, 05:23 PM

Never been so scared to open a thread on this forum.

kelmac07 · 11-08-2018, 05:28 PM

I thought, for certain, this was going to be a story about our Tom.

BigAsh · 11-09-2018, 08:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kelmac07

I thought, for certain, this was going to be a story about our Tom.

Stay tuned....

Brlesq · 11-08-2018, 06:34 PM

11-08-2018, 07:59 AM	#1
BigAsh Don't knock the Ash... Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Keith Location: Yardley, PA Posts: 5,046 Trading: (46)	Tom's Scrotum.... Tom's scrotum - The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife....... The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirm uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is "sternum." __________________ Keith

11-08-2018, 08:02 AM	#2
Steve Dad Jokester Supreme Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Steve Location: 17 R 435648 3354895 Posts: 7,715 Trading: (6)	Re: Tom's Scrotum.... (for the record, I was really scared to open this thread...) __________________ ...So don't sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied, Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance that tide

11-08-2018, 08:02 AM	#3
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: Tom's Scrotum.... __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

11-08-2018, 10:40 AM	#4
icehog3 Admiral Douchebag Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Tom Location: Clermont, Kentucky Posts: 71,441 Trading: (60)	Re: Tom's Scrotum.... Thank goodness this was not a Troop Auction thread...... __________________ Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!

11-08-2018, 01:54 PM	#8
Tio Gato Uncle Kitty Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Jeff Location: Casa Grande, AZ Posts: 2,075 Trading: (11)	Re: Tom's Scrotum.... Great one Keith! __________________ "You stink like cigars Uncle Kitty!" Said my Boo age 3. "Kid, take care of your family and the hell with anyone else" My Grandpa Bubba.

11-08-2018, 05:23 PM	#11
Flynnster Life's too short Swishers Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Middle of the Mitten Posts: 787 Trading: (7)	Re: Tom's Scrotum.... Never been so scared to open a thread on this forum.

11-08-2018, 05:28 PM	#12
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Tom's Scrotum.... I thought, for certain, this was going to be a story about our Tom. __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

11-08-2018, 06:34 PM	#14
Brlesq Carpe cigar! Join Date: May 2012 First Name: Bruce Location: Upstate NY Posts: 1,024 Trading: (17)	Re: Tom's Scrotum.... __________________ Hey! How come "Habana" is written on here with a Sharpie ?!?