Gripe Sheets from Quantas

RUNYYFan · 04-19-2014, 03:52 PM

Almost 20+ years ago, I had first heard this joke when I wandered into one of the pilot's lounges in Terminal B of Newark airport. (They were not amused having a kid wander in.) Then the Internet exploded and I found myself reading a similar form of the joke on some chat board. So for those who may need a bit of humor today, here ya go...

* * *

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) By maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: weather radar went apeshit.
S: opened radome, let ape out, cleaned up ****

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Dave128 · 04-20-2014, 10:01 AM

LOL!!!!

Porch Dweller · 04-20-2014, 10:48 AM

That one's been floating around the Air Force for years, too.

Subvet642 · 04-20-2014, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porch Dweller

That one's been floating around the Air Force for years, too.

Yeah, Navy and Marine Corps, too. I almost piss myself every time.

big_jaygee · 04-20-2014, 11:43 AM

04-19-2014, 03:52 PM	#1
RUNYYFan Life, Liberty, Happiness Join Date: Feb 2010 First Name: Marc Location: Splitting time between Dayton, NJ and Needmore, PA Posts: 360 Trading: (0)	Gripe Sheets from Quantas Almost 20+ years ago, I had first heard this joke when I wandered into one of the pilot's lounges in Terminal B of Newark airport. (They were not amused having a kid wander in.) Then the Internet exploded and I found myself reading a similar form of the joke on some chat board. So for those who may need a bit of humor today, here ya go... * * * After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) By maintenance engineers. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: weather radar went apeshit. S: opened radome, let ape out, cleaned up ** P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last.................. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget __________________ Marc** Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed. - Anon.

04-20-2014, 10:01 AM	#2
Dave128 Sexy Dave Join Date: Feb 2009 First Name: Dave Location: Voorheesville, NY Posts: 3,922 Trading: (4)	Re: Gripe Sheets from Quantas LOL!!!! __________________ "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin I "heart" Boobies and Beer!

04-20-2014, 10:48 AM	#3
Porch Dweller Life is for living Join Date: Oct 2012 First Name: James Location: Mississippi Gulf Coast Posts: 8,461 Trading: (24)	Re: Gripe Sheets from Quantas That one's been floating around the Air Force for years, too. __________________ A 1911 in the hand is faster than 911 on the phone

04-20-2014, 11:43 AM	#5
big_jaygee I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Dec 2012 First Name: Jason Location: Houston Posts: 3,914 Trading: (59)	Re: Gripe Sheets from Quantas