It was a matter of Life or Death

12-31-2010, 05:48 PM

Soo there I was in the frozen tundra...the wasteland known as my neighborhood park. It was a blisteringly cold 4 degrees. My yellow lab dog weaned on crack as a puppy and more closely related to Meth-Lab than black or chocolate, hyper as you can imagine that breed needed to go outside. I had bundled up and grabbed the shortest stick in my humidor. A Macanudo small robusto...generally a 45 min. smoke....and had hoped to make a couple quick laps around the neighborhood park enough for Stoli, that's my crack head dog, enough time to mellow out a bit before taking him back home. My cigar though was suffering from a bad draw, horribly plugged. I puffed and puffed and could barely get any of the frozen needle sharp air to go thru it. There I was, about to succumb to the elements when in a crazy fit of a survival act, I bit the top half inch off the Macanudo....drawing freely now, the smoke poured thru the damaged stick and I managed to cut what had looked like and hour and a half smoke in that frozen wasteland...one that would have surely ended my life...into a much more enjoyable 20 minutes. Much to Stoli's chagrin. As I stiffly stumbled back up the steps into my wife's awaiting arms, I was near tunnel vision and had all but lost the care of the needle sharp pains in my extremities and the pincushion prickly burn of my cheeks...I can only look back in awe and amazement of my moment of clear thinking and sharp judgment in chomping my stogi in order to save my own life...a story to tell the grandkids someday for sure huddled around a warm fire while sipping hot coco and showing them my frostbite scars....

shark · 12-31-2010, 05:53 PM

LMAO!!! Not bad, but still not as good as the Ryan Steakhouse Incident.

12-31-2010, 06:05 PM

Hermano, when I grow up I wanna be just like you!

12-31-2010, 06:11 PM

certainly showing excellent potential!

f you can ever find the "Beefaroni Incident" from the early JRBB days... That is the benchmark standard!

ah-HA!

The Beefaroni Incident

The stuff legends are made of!!

pnoon · 12-31-2010, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tobii3

certainly showing excellent potential!

f you can ever find the "Beefaroni Incident" from the early JRBB days... That is the benchmark standard!

ah-HA!

The Beefaroni Incident

The stuff legends are made of!!

OMG.
That is one of the funniest stories I've ever read.

12-31-2010, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tobii3

certainly showing excellent potential!

f you can ever find the "Beefaroni Incident" from the early JRBB days... That is the benchmark standard!

ah-HA!

The Beefaroni Incident

The stuff legends are made of!!

Wow....I just laughed so hard I almost shat myself...not nearly as bad as him but still.

12-31-2010, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tobii3

certainly showing excellent potential!

f you can ever find the "Beefaroni Incident" from the early JRBB days... That is the benchmark standard!

ah-HA!

The Beefaroni Incident

The stuff legends are made of!!

I have tears in my eyes, my lips are numb, my cheeks hurt, I made sounds I had never heard before, and got yelled at by my lady....amazing story!

CasaDooley · 01-01-2011, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tobii3

certainly showing excellent potential!

f you can ever find the "Beefaroni Incident" from the early JRBB days... That is the benchmark standard!

ah-HA!

The Beefaroni Incident

The stuff legends are made of!!

Funniest Story Ever!

I have not laughed that hard in ages!

kelmac07 · 12-31-2010, 06:09 PM

Emjaysmash · 12-31-2010, 06:50 PM

Ah yes, the Beeferoni Incident. One of the most memorable tales of this century! Lol

CigarNut · 12-31-2010, 09:32 PM

Looks like I need to spend some time reading about this incident -- when I can focus better (I'm on drugs now

)

Ogre · 12-31-2010, 09:41 PM

At least it had a happy ending.

bishjd123 · 01-01-2011, 09:25 AM

That brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for the laugh.

zappaFREAK · 01-01-2011, 10:24 AM

To quote the youth of today:
OMG!

Wolfgang · 01-01-2011, 10:38 AM

"the move" it is so true!!!

12-31-2010, 05:48 PM	#1
Springsman Guest Posts: n/a	It was a matter of Life or Death Soo there I was in the frozen tundra...the wasteland known as my neighborhood park. It was a blisteringly cold 4 degrees. My yellow lab dog weaned on crack as a puppy and more closely related to Meth-Lab than black or chocolate, hyper as you can imagine that breed needed to go outside. I had bundled up and grabbed the shortest stick in my humidor. A Macanudo small robusto...generally a 45 min. smoke....and had hoped to make a couple quick laps around the neighborhood park enough for Stoli, that's my crack head dog, enough time to mellow out a bit before taking him back home. My cigar though was suffering from a bad draw, horribly plugged. I puffed and puffed and could barely get any of the frozen needle sharp air to go thru it. There I was, about to succumb to the elements when in a crazy fit of a survival act, I bit the top half inch off the Macanudo....drawing freely now, the smoke poured thru the damaged stick and I managed to cut what had looked like and hour and a half smoke in that frozen wasteland...one that would have surely ended my life...into a much more enjoyable 20 minutes. Much to Stoli's chagrin. As I stiffly stumbled back up the steps into my wife's awaiting arms, I was near tunnel vision and had all but lost the care of the needle sharp pains in my extremities and the pincushion prickly burn of my cheeks...I can only look back in awe and amazement of my moment of clear thinking and sharp judgment in chomping my stogi in order to save my own life...a story to tell the grandkids someday for sure huddled around a warm fire while sipping hot coco and showing them my frostbite scars....

12-31-2010, 05:53 PM	#2
shark Cigar Smokin' Patriot Join Date: Sep 2009 First Name: Ron Location: Michigan Posts: 3,584 Trading: (0)	Re: It was a matter of Life or Death LMAO!!! Not bad, but still not as good as the Ryan Steakhouse Incident. __________________ Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery None but ourselves can free our minds

12-31-2010, 06:05 PM	#3
Tauma Guest Posts: n/a	Re: It was a matter of Life or Death Hermano, when I grow up I wanna be just like you!

12-31-2010, 06:11 PM	#4
tobii3 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: It was a matter of Life or Death certainly showing excellent potential! f you can ever find the "Beefaroni Incident" from the early JRBB days... That is the benchmark standard! ah-HA! The Beefaroni Incident The stuff legends are made of!! Last edited by tobii3; 12-31-2010 at 06:18 PM.

12-31-2010, 06:09 PM	#9
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: It was a matter of Life or Death __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

12-31-2010, 06:50 PM	#10
Emjaysmash The Hebrew Hammer Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: M.J. Location: Milwaukee, WI Posts: 7,025 Trading: (76)	Re: It was a matter of Life or Death Ah yes, the Beeferoni Incident. One of the most memorable tales of this century! Lol __________________ Last edited by Emjaysmash; 12-31-2010 at 07:01 PM.

12-31-2010, 09:32 PM	#11
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: It was a matter of Life or Death Looks like I need to spend some time reading about this incident -- when I can focus better (I'm on drugs now ) __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

12-31-2010, 09:41 PM	#12
Ogre **CENSORED** Join Date: Apr 2010 First Name: Larry Location: Central Florida Posts: 12,068 Trading: (46)	Re: It was a matter of Life or Death At least it had a happy ending. __________________

01-01-2011, 09:25 AM	#13
bishjd123 Have a Smoke and a Smile Join Date: Dec 2009 First Name: Jeff Location: Southern Maryland Posts: 196 Trading: (16)	Re: It was a matter of Life or Death That brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for the laugh.

01-01-2011, 10:24 AM	#14
zappaFREAK The Black Page Join Date: Oct 2010 First Name: Stephen Location: CT Posts: 349 Trading: (5)	Re: It was a matter of Life or Death To quote the youth of today: OMG! __________________ "Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side." FZ zappaFREAK

01-01-2011, 10:38 AM	#15
Wolfgang Back from the dead Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Tampa, Fl Posts: 2,541 Trading: (14)	Re: It was a matter of Life or Death "the move" it is so true!!! __________________ You probably wont remember that test you failed, but you'll never forget the girl you were with the night before, when you decided not to study.