Cat Competition....

s15driftking · 06-18-2009, 01:07 PM

four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. the first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, the fourth was a government employee.

to show off, the engineer called to his cat, "t-square, do your stuff." t-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

but the accountant said his cat could do better. he called his cat and said, spreadsheet, do your stuff." spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. he divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. everyone agreed that was good.

but the chemist said his cat could do better. he called his cat and said, "measure, do your stuff." measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. everyone agreed that was good.

then the three men turned to the government employee and said, "what can your cat do?" the government worker called to his cat and said, "coffee break, do your stuff." coffee break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

trader1974 · 06-18-2009, 02:54 PM

Very funny, I like it!

shilala · 06-18-2009, 03:02 PM

I used to have a cat named "Kitty Nipples".
He'd bring me baby kittens, rabbits, pheasants, rats, mice, moles, birds, snakes, frogs, or anything that crawled, flew or slithered almost daily, because he was completely out of his mind. He brought me a fox squirrel once.
He was the greatest killer that ever lived.
He just showed up one day, moved in, killed everything in a ten mile radius, and moved out. I've never heard from him again.
That cat deserves a monument.

trader1974 · 06-18-2009, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shilala

I used to have a cat named "Kitty Nipples".
He'd bring me baby kittens, rabbits, pheasants, rats, mice, moles, birds, snakes, frogs, or anything that crawled, flew or slithered almost daily, because he was completely out of his mind. He brought me a fox squirrel once.
He was the greatest killer that ever lived.
He just showed up one day, moved in, killed everything in a ten mile radius, and moved out. I've never heard from him again.
That cat deserves a monument.

That's awesome. I've got one that loves to kill birds and leave either the head or the body(usually not both, not sure why) at my garage door to greet me on my way out.

Savor the Stick · 06-18-2009, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trader1974

That's awesome. I've got one that loves to kill birds and leave either the head or the body(usually not both, not sure why) at my garage door to greet me on my way out.

Probably a warning to not be late with the dinner.

WildBlueSooner · 06-18-2009, 04:42 PM

Good one...

and from what I hear it is fairly true

06-18-2009, 01:07 PM	#1
s15driftking Go Browns! Join Date: Nov 2008 First Name: Bobby Location: Columbus Ohio Posts: 2,763 Trading: (16)	Cat Competition.... four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. the first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, the fourth was a government employee. to show off, the engineer called to his cat, "t-square, do your stuff." t-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. everyone agreed that was pretty smart. but the accountant said his cat could do better. he called his cat and said, spreadsheet, do your stuff." spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. he divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. everyone agreed that was good. but the chemist said his cat could do better. he called his cat and said, "measure, do your stuff." measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. everyone agreed that was good. then the three men turned to the government employee and said, "what can your cat do?" the government worker called to his cat and said, "coffee break, do your stuff." coffee break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. __________________ diamonds/guns

06-18-2009, 02:54 PM	#2
trader1974 Still Watching My Back Join Date: Nov 2008 First Name: Austin Location: Kentucky Posts: 193 Trading: (4)	Re: Cat Competition.... Very funny, I like it!

06-18-2009, 03:02 PM	#3
shilala Dear Lord, Thank You. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Scott Posts: 13,721 Trading: (252)	Re: Cat Competition.... I used to have a cat named "Kitty Nipples". He'd bring me baby kittens, rabbits, pheasants, rats, mice, moles, birds, snakes, frogs, or anything that crawled, flew or slithered almost daily, because he was completely out of his mind. He brought me a fox squirrel once. He was the greatest killer that ever lived. He just showed up one day, moved in, killed everything in a ten mile radius, and moved out. I've never heard from him again. That cat deserves a monument. __________________

06-18-2009, 04:42 PM	#6
WildBlueSooner I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Feb 2009 First Name: James Location: Lexington, KY Posts: 3,322 Trading: (19)	Re: Cat Competition.... Good one... and from what I hear it is fairly true __________________ "To dilute the will to win is to destroy the purpose of the game. There is no substitute for victory"-- Douglas MacArthur