How to Tell If You're a MassHole

[massphatness]

How to tell if you're a Masshole ...

1. The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of the greatest moments in your life.

2. The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you're swearing at him for going too slow.

3. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke.

4. You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid.

5. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

6. You do not recognize the letter 'R' as a part of the English language.

7. Your social security number starts with a zero.

8. You can actually find your way around the streets of Boston .

9. You know what a 'regular' coffee is.

10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round.

11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a Dorchester accent.

12. Springfield is located 'way out west.'

13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.

14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Gloucester, Peabody and Haverhill.

15. Anyone you don't know is a potential idiot until proven otherwise.

16. Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts or CVS Pharmacy within eyeshot at all times.

17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy alcohol.

18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski.

19. You know there's a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot.

20. You order iced coffee in January.

21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere.

22. You love scorpion bowls.

23. You know what they sell at a Packie.

24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS.

25. You know what First Night is.

26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus. Bonus: You know how to pronounce Seamus.

27. McLobster = McCrap

28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your high school drinking buddies.

29. You know there are 6 New England states, but that Connecticut really doesn't count.

30. You give incomprehensible directions to tourists, feel bad when they drive off, but then say to yourself 'Ah, screw them.'

31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.

32. You hate the Kennedys, but you vote for them anyway.

33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line is not optional.

34. The numbers '78 and '86 make you cringe.

35. You've been to Goodtimes

36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day (...and they DO).

37. You have never actually been to 'Cheers.'

38. The words ' WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.

39. You've been to Fenway Park .

40. You've gone to at least one party at UMass.

41. You own a 'Yankees Suck' shirt or hat.

42. You know what a Frappe is.

43. You've been to Hempfest.

44. You know who Frank Averuch is.

45. You know Frank Averuch was once Bozo the Clown

46. You can complete the following: 'Lynn, Lynn .....'

47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and it turns out to be ******' Snows.

48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down to one.

49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he's right 25% of the time.

50. You never go to Cape Cod, you go 'down the Cape '.

51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil than Whitey Bulger.

52. You know who Whitey Bulger is.

53. You went to the Swan Boats, House of Seven Gables, or Plymouth Plantation on a field trip in elementary school.

54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady, and Ted Williams.

55. You remember Major Mudd.

56. You know what candlepin bowling is.

57. You can drive from the mountains to the ocean all in one day.

58. You know Scollay Square once stood where Government Center is.

59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the coolest guy around. Speaking of which.... You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town.

61. Calling Carrabba's an 'Italian' restaurant is sacrilege.

62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your parents' attic.

63. You know that route 128 is some kind of strange weather dividing line - snow/rain

64. The only time you've been on the Freedom Trail is when relatives are in town.

65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn't a surprise.

66. You call guys you've just met 'Chief' or 'Boss.'

67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means only 3 more shopping days until Christmas.

68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy.

69. You refer to Savin Hill as 'Stab 'n Kill.'

70. You've never eaten at Durgin Park , but recommend it to tourists.

71. You can't look at the zip code 02134 without singing it.

72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw with the rest of the country.

73 11 pm ? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloons!

74. 2 am ? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly's! The one on Revere Beach not the one on Route 1.

75. 5 am ? Drunk? It means one thing: You wish you had a blanket in your back seat.

76. You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.

77. People you don't like are all 'Bastids.'

78. You took off school or work for the Patriots first Super Bowl Win Parade.

79. You've called something 'wicked pissa.'

80. You'll always get razzed for Dukakis.

81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale Dorman.

82. Sunday mornings meant the Three Stooges on Channel 38.

83. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater.

84. No, you don't trust the Gorton's Fisherman.

85. You know that Papa Gino's usually has a jukebox.

86. You think Aerosmith is the greatest rock band of all time

87. Your town has at least 6 pizza and roast beef shops.

88. You know at least three Tony's, one Vinny and a Frankie.

89. 20 degrees is downright balmy as long as there is no wind - then it gets wicked cold.

90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden .

91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and the long version of Alice 's Restaurant.

92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was named Athah Feedlah.

93. You know what the Combat Zone is.

94. You actually drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax.

95. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

96. You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop.

97. You've been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night.

98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual.

99. Hearing an old lady shout 'Numbah 96 for Sioux City!' means it's time for steak.

100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Filene's, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor, Zayres, or Ann & Hope.

101. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Massachusetts.

[dunng]

[Volt]

Ya'll don't use "R"s? Wassup - the R is a cool letter. Haters

Hey vin this is Wicked Pissa.........I love and can realate to all but really like number 61....Out of towners that visit hear that there is a Caraba's in Lynnfield and they get excited!!!!! Ijust laugh and make a detour to the North End and watch there mouths drop and start drowling from the aroma of Garlic,Bread and Sweaty Guinea's walking around.....lol

Oh Yeah there is a letter "R" in the alphabet?????

[dunng]

Originally Posted by cady97dev

Oh Yeah there is a letter "R" in the alphabet?????

Only on "Talk like a Pirate Day"... Arrr!

[Mugen910]

Originally Posted by massphatness

How to tell if you're a Masshole ...

1. The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of the greatest moments in your life. YES

2. The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you're swearing at him for going too slow.

3. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke. I mean Pepsi but I don't say Tonic

4. You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid.

5. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

6. You do not recognize the letter 'R' as a part of the English language.

7. Your social security number starts with a zero.

8. You can actually find your way around the streets of Boston .

9. You know what a 'regular' coffee is.

10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round.

11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a Dorchester accent. I can't do this well

12. Springfield is located 'way out west.' HAHA!

13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.

14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Gloucester, Peabody and Haverhill.

15. Anyone you don't know is a potential idiot until proven otherwise.

16. Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts or CVS Pharmacy within eyeshot at all times.

17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy alcohol.

18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski.

19. You know there's a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot.

20. You order iced coffee in January.

21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere.

22. You love scorpion bowls. OMG YES

23. You know what they sell at a Packie.

24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS.

25. You know what First Night is.

26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus. Bonus: You know how to pronounce Seamus.

27. McLobster = McCrap

28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your high school drinking buddies. So True

29. You know there are 6 New England states, but that Connecticut really doesn't count.

30. You give incomprehensible directions to tourists, feel bad when they drive off, but then say to yourself 'Ah, screw them.' So True haha

31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.

32. You hate the Kennedys, but you vote for them anyway.

33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line is not optional.

34. The numbers '78 and '86 make you cringe.

35. You've been to Goodtimes FYI...Next year it's gonna be an IKEA

36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day (...and they DO).

37. You have never actually been to 'Cheers.' Been there on a free dinnah

38. The words ' WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.

39. You've been to Fenway Park .

40. You've gone to at least one party at UMass.

41. You own a 'Yankees Suck' shirt or hat. HAHA

42. You know what a Frappe is.

43. You've been to Hempfest. No

44. You know who Frank Averuch is.

45. You know Frank Averuch was once Bozo the Clown

46. You can complete the following: 'Lynn, Lynn .....'

47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and it turns out to be ******' Snows.

48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down to one.

49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he's right 25% of the time.

50. You never go to Cape Cod, you go 'down the Cape '.

51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil than Whitey Bulger. YES

52. You know who Whitey Bulger is.

53. You went to the Swan Boats, House of Seven Gables, or Plymouth Plantation on a field trip in elementary school. YES

54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady, and Ted Williams.

55. You remember Major Mudd. I know this but cannot recall it for some reason

56. You know what candlepin bowling is.

57. You can drive from the mountains to the ocean all in one day.

58. You know Scollay Square once stood where Government Center is. Nope didn't know

59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the coolest guy around. Speaking of which.... You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town.

61. Calling Carrabba's an 'Italian' restaurant is sacrilege. Oh so true

62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your parents' attic.

63. You know that route 128 is some kind of strange weather dividing line - snow/rain

64. The only time you've been on the Freedom Trail is when relatives are in town.

65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn't a surprise.

66. You call guys you've just met 'Chief' or 'Boss.'

67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means only 3 more shopping days until Christmas.

68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy. 4 of them

69. You refer to Savin Hill as 'Stab 'n Kill.'

70. You've never eaten at Durgin Park , but recommend it to tourists.

71. You can't look at the zip code 02134 without singing it. ????

72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw with the rest of the country.

73 11 pm ? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloons!

74. 2 am ? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly's! The one on Revere Beach not the one on Route 1.

75. 5 am ? Drunk? It means one thing: You wish you had a blanket in your back seat.

76. You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.

77. People you don't like are all 'Bastids.'

78. You took off school or work for the Patriots first Super Bowl Win Parade.

79. You've called something 'wicked pissa.'

80. You'll always get razzed for Dukakis.

81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale Dorman.

82. Sunday mornings meant the Three Stooges on Channel 38.

83. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater.

84. No, you don't trust the Gorton's Fisherman.

85. You know that Papa Gino's usually has a jukebox.

86. You think Aerosmith is the greatest rock band of all time

87. Your town has at least 6 pizza and roast beef shops.

88. You know at least three Tony's, one Vinny and a Frankie.

89. 20 degrees is downright balmy as long as there is no wind - then it gets wicked cold.

90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden . I could see the garden floor from the artery at one point...so sad...

91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and the long version of Alice 's Restaurant.

92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was named Athah Feedlah.

93. You know what the Combat Zone is.

94. You actually drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax.

95. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

96. You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop.

97. You've been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night.

98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual.

99. Hearing an old lady shout 'Numbah 96 for Sioux City!' means it's time for steak.

100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Filene's, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor, Zayres, or Ann & Hope. Don't forget Ames and Lechmere

101. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Massachusetts.

Done!!!

[kelmac07]

Vin...you had me rolling!!!! So true!!!

[rack04]

I've been To Mass once and quickly learned to HATE rotaries. Don't get me started on rental car GPS Units. "Enter rotaries on the right and take the 7th left".

[G G]

I got used to the rotaries after a the second time we went up there.

[Doctorossi]

What always amazes me is that I don't have to get anywhere near Boston to feel the difference in traffic. As soon as I'm over the border from NY, the Masshole drivers are out in full force.

[md4958]

The really funny part about is that all 100 of these things are TRUE!!!

[spivy]

Lets See how many. Not that I am proud of them

Originally Posted by massphatness

How to tell if you're a Masshole ...

1. The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of the greatest moments in your life.

2. The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you're swearing at him for going too slow. CHECK

3. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke.

4. You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid. CHECK

5. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

6. You do not recognize the letter 'R' as a part of the English language.

7. Your social security number starts with a zero. CHECK

8. You can actually find your way around the streets of Boston . CHECK

9. You know what a 'regular' coffee is. CHECK

10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round. CHECK

11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a Dorchester accent. CHECK

12. Springfield is located 'way out west.' CHECK

13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.

14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Gloucester, Peabody and Haverhill. CHECK

15. Anyone you don't know is a potential idiot until proven otherwise. CHECK

16. Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts or CVS Pharmacy within eyeshot at all times.

17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy alcohol. CHECK

18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski. CHECK

19. You know there's a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot.

20. You order iced coffee in January. CHECK

21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere. CHECK

22. You love scorpion bowls. CHECK

23. You know what they sell at a Packie.

24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS.

25. You know what First Night is. CHECK

26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus. Bonus: You know how to pronounce Seamus. CHECK

27. McLobster = McCrap CHECK

28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your high school drinking buddies. CHECK

29. You know there are 6 New England states, but that Connecticut really doesn't count. CHECK

30. You give incomprehensible directions to tourists, feel bad when they drive off, but then say to yourself 'Ah, screw them.' CHECK

31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call. CHECK

32. You hate the Kennedys, but you vote for them anyway.

33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line is not optional.

34. The numbers '78 and '86 make you cringe.

35. You've been to Goodtimes CHECK

36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day (...and they DO).

37. You have never actually been to 'Cheers.' CHECK

38. The words ' WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together. CHECK

39. You've been to Fenway Park . CHECK

40. You've gone to at least one party at UMass. CHECK

41. You own a 'Yankees Suck' shirt or hat. CHECK

42. You know what a Frappe is. CHECK

43. You've been to Hempfest.

44. You know who Frank Averuch is.

45. You know Frank Averuch was once Bozo the Clown

46. You can complete the following: 'Lynn, Lynn .....'

47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and it turns out to be ******' Snows.

48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down to one. CHECK

49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he's right 25% of the time. CHECK

50. You never go to Cape Cod, you go 'down the Cape '. CHECK

51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil than Whitey Bulger. CHECK

52. You know who Whitey Bulger is. CHECK

53. You went to the Swan Boats, House of Seven Gables, or Plymouth Plantation on a field trip in elementary school. CHECK

54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady, and Ted Williams. CHECK

55. You remember Major Mudd.

56. You know what candlepin bowling is. CHECK

57. You can drive from the mountains to the ocean all in one day. CHECK

58. You know Scollay Square once stood where Government Center is.

59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the coolest guy around. Speaking of which.... You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town.

61. Calling Carrabba's an 'Italian' restaurant is sacrilege.

62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your parents' attic.

63. You know that route 128 is some kind of strange weather dividing line - snow/rain

64. The only time you've been on the Freedom Trail is when relatives are in town. CHECK

65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn't a surprise. CHECK

66. You call guys you've just met 'Chief' or 'Boss.' CHECK

67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means only 3 more shopping days until Christmas. CHECK

68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy. CHECK

69. You refer to Savin Hill as 'Stab 'n Kill.' CHECK

70. You've never eaten at Durgin Park , but recommend it to tourists.

71. You can't look at the zip code 02134 without singing it.

72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw with the rest of the country. CHECK

73 11 pm ? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloons!

74. 2 am ? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly's! The one on Revere Beach not the one on Route 1.

75. 5 am ? Drunk? It means one thing: You wish you had a blanket in your back seat.

76. You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group. CHECK

77. People you don't like are all 'Bastids.' CHECK

78. You took off school or work for the Patriots first Super Bowl Win Parade. CHECK

79. You've called something 'wicked pissa.'

80. You'll always get razzed for Dukakis. CHECK

81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale Dorman.

82. Sunday mornings meant the Three Stooges on Channel 38. CHECK

83. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater. CHECK

84. No, you don't trust the Gorton's Fisherman.

85. You know that Papa Gino's usually has a jukebox.

86. You think Aerosmith is the greatest rock band of all time

87. Your town has at least 6 pizza and roast beef shops. CHECK

88. You know at least three Tony's, one Vinny and a Frankie. CHECK

89. 20 degrees is downright balmy as long as there is no wind - then it gets wicked cold. CHECK

90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden . CHECK

91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and the long version of Alice 's Restaurant. CHECK

92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was named Athah Feedlah.

93. You know what the Combat Zone is.

94. You actually drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax. CHECK

95. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left. CHECK

96. You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop. CHECK

97. You've been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night.

98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual. CHECK

99. Hearing an old lady shout 'Numbah 96 for Sioux City!' means it's time for steak.

100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Filene's, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor, Zayres, or Ann & Hope. CHECK HOW BOUT LECHMERE

101. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Massachusetts.CHECK

[MedicCook]

[Gargoyle]

Originally Posted by massphatness

6. You do not recognize the letter 'R' as a part of the English language.

So what happens with all of those extra R's that we don't use? We save them up and put them somewhere else. Things like "idea" becoming "idear" or "pizza" becoming "pizzer".

[G G]

That's in Georgia Patrick. They use em up for yall.

[MedicCook]

102. You know what the 'bleeping' stands for in Bucky 'Bleeping' Dent and a small part of you dies every time you hear his name.

[md4958]

Lechmere!!

[rack04]

I still don't understand how it can be pronounced wuh-stah.

[G G]

Originally Posted by rack04

I still don't understand how it can be pronounced wuh-stah.

How about Leominster? Lemonster?