Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum - View Single Post

Silound · 11-14-2008, 09:41 AM

41. If you have a truck with a bed and lawn chairs, there is no suitable reason you can't be using both to assist in oogling women, watching sports, and drinking beer.

42. If you didn't have to empty the bed out to set up, you fail. Go trade your truck in for a Caravan or a Civic hatchback.

43. Guys are only allowed to own real trucks. It isn't a truck unless it meets three of the following requirements:

a. Is it so dirty you can only see the paint on top of the cab?
b. Does it have big tires? (big means taller than you are, not some wussy 20's)
c. Does it have more than the usual(4)/legal(6) number of tires?
d. Can your exhaust pollute half a city block and drown out a marching band with the roar?
e. Real trucks only have chrome on the bumpers and on custom stacks (which must extend higher than the cab of the truck by at least 6"). Chrome tips are for losers.
f. If it isn't at least a V8 and isn't diesel, it's not an engine. If you don't have an engine, you can't have a truck, you have scrap metal.
g. If it doesn't say CHEVROLET, GMC, FORD, or DODGE on it, it's not a truck, it's an eco loving hippie wagon.
h. Know what? Make it all of the above.

44. Be ambiguous as possible when talking. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do.
45. Name your penis. Make sure it's something narcissistic and unoriginal like "Spike".
46. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a woman on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.
47. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit.
48. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like various genitalia. If, by chance, you have
Play-Doh, make sure you make an exact replica of your penis. Measure to make sure it's right.
49. You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without virginity.
50. Guys don't show emotion. If you ever forced to show emotion, just pick random emotions like rage, lust, and insanity and display them at random, inconvenient times. You don't be asked to do it again. Ever. Props if you can pull this off in the company of in-laws.

11-14-2008, 09:41 AM	#11
Silound ex-CS Swamp Gorilla Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Somewhere in a swamp, south of sanity Posts: 802 Trading: (15)	Re: Rules of a True Guy 41. If you have a truck with a bed and lawn chairs, there is no suitable reason you can't be using both to assist in oogling women, watching sports, and drinking beer. 42. If you didn't have to empty the bed out to set up, you fail. Go trade your truck in for a Caravan or a Civic hatchback. 43. Guys are only allowed to own real trucks. It isn't a truck unless it meets three of the following requirements: a. Is it so dirty you can only see the paint on top of the cab? b. Does it have big tires? (big means taller than you are, not some wussy 20's) c. Does it have more than the usual(4)/legal(6) number of tires? d. Can your exhaust pollute half a city block and drown out a marching band with the roar? e. Real trucks only have chrome on the bumpers and on custom stacks (which must extend higher than the cab of the truck by at least 6"). Chrome tips are for losers. f. If it isn't at least a V8 and isn't diesel, it's not an engine. If you don't have an engine, you can't have a truck, you have scrap metal. g. If it doesn't say CHEVROLET, GMC, FORD, or DODGE on it, it's not a truck, it's an eco loving hippie wagon. h. Know what? Make it all of the above. 44. Be ambiguous as possible when talking. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do. 45. Name your penis. Make sure it's something narcissistic and unoriginal like "Spike". 46. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a woman on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible. 47. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit. 48. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like various genitalia. If, by chance, you have Play-Doh, make sure you make an exact replica of your penis. Measure to make sure it's right. 49. You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without virginity. 50. Guys don't show emotion. If you ever forced to show emotion, just pick random emotions like rage, lust, and insanity and display them at random, inconvenient times. You don't be asked to do it again. Ever. Props if you can pull this off in the company of in-laws. __________________ Back in black, and better than ever! You can't keep a good gorilla down! LSU Geaux Tigers!