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irratebass · 08-29-2011, 02:56 PM

Mom: (Mass text) Did anyone see my broom.
Dad: Why? Are you going somewhere

Me: What time are you picking me up?
Dad: Who is this?
Me: Your son
Dad: How did you get this number?
Me: I programmed your phone
Dad: How do I delete people?

Me: Did mom have a c-section with me?
Dad: Yep that's right you weren't born, you were surgically removed...like a tumor.

Dad: Your grandpa took a dump in a customers front yard.
Me: HE DID WHAT?!
Dad: He was walking to the van and he tripped on some cement.
Me: ...and sh!t himself?
Dad: What? no what's wrong with you?

Me: Dad, prepare to disown me.
Dad: DID YOU BUY A JUSTIN BEIBER CD?!

Me: Hey dad can you tell me when you get this?
dad: Nope, too busy pretending that my snuggie is a Hogwarts robe.

Dad: I'm disappointed in you
Me: What did I do?
Dad: I saw those pictures on Facebook. I thought I raised you better than to drink Bud Light.

Me: Dad can you leave me some money to go to the movies?
Dad: My sweet little parasite. That's why this planet has things called jobs.

Dad: I HAVE BIG TEXT NOW
Me: Cool
Dad: I EAT YOUR TINY TEXTS!

Mom: He was one of those people who wear black tight jeans, with that weird hair that covers one eye. You know...nemo.

Me: Got an A in Chem!
Mom: WTF, well done
Me: What do you think WTF means
Mom: Wow That's Fantastic

Me: Ok thanks Dad! <3
Dad: What is that? a butt with a cone?

Mom: You left your phone on the counter!

Mom: If you see your dad with the label-maker, take it from him! I keep finding stickers all around the house that say "Doug is cool."

Mom: I saw a hobo on the side of the road with a sign that said "hungry hungry hobo" I couldn't stop laughing.

Dad: Go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich. Love dad
Me: I wish i had a comeback for that.
Dad: Well all I know is that you had better comeback with a Goddam sandwhich.

Me: But all of my friends at going! What will I tell them?
Dad: Well tell them that your parents are b!itches

Me: Can I sleep over at Kates?
Mom: nocomehomenowandwhereisthespacebutton

Me: Make me a sandwich
Dad: Poof! you're a sandwich

08-29-2011, 02:56 PM	#1
irratebass EMPEROR TOMPKINS Join Date: Aug 2011 First Name: Mickey Location: Mooresville, Indiana Posts: 8,313 Trading: (48)	Things parents text Mom: (Mass text) Did anyone see my broom. Dad: Why? Are you going somewhere Me: What time are you picking me up? Dad: Who is this? Me: Your son Dad: How did you get this number? Me: I programmed your phone Dad: How do I delete people? Me: Did mom have a c-section with me? Dad: Yep that's right you weren't born, you were surgically removed...like a tumor. Dad: Your grandpa took a dump in a customers front yard. Me: HE DID WHAT?! Dad: He was walking to the van and he tripped on some cement. Me: ...and sh!t himself? Dad: What? no what's wrong with you? Me: Dad, prepare to disown me. Dad: DID YOU BUY A JUSTIN BEIBER CD?! Me: Hey dad can you tell me when you get this? dad: Nope, too busy pretending that my snuggie is a Hogwarts robe. Dad: I'm disappointed in you Me: What did I do? Dad: I saw those pictures on Facebook. I thought I raised you better than to drink Bud Light. Me: Dad can you leave me some money to go to the movies? Dad: My sweet little parasite. That's why this planet has things called jobs. Dad: I HAVE BIG TEXT NOW Me: Cool Dad: I EAT YOUR TINY TEXTS! Mom: He was one of those people who wear black tight jeans, with that weird hair that covers one eye. You know...nemo. Me: Got an A in Chem! Mom: WTF, well done Me: What do you think WTF means Mom: Wow That's Fantastic Me: Ok thanks Dad! <3 Dad: What is that? a butt with a cone? Mom: You left your phone on the counter! Mom: If you see your dad with the label-maker, take it from him! I keep finding stickers all around the house that say "Doug is cool." Mom: I saw a hobo on the side of the road with a sign that said "hungry hungry hobo" I couldn't stop laughing. Dad: Go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich. Love dad Me: I wish i had a comeback for that. Dad: Well all I know is that you had better comeback with a Goddam sandwhich. Me: But all of my friends at going! What will I tell them? Dad: Well tell them that your parents are b!itches Me: Can I sleep over at Kates? Mom: nocomehomenowandwhereisthespacebutton Me: Make me a sandwich Dad: Poof! you're a sandwich __________________