Originally Posted by Silound
Because unfortunately, the server can only do so much to make you happy. Unfortunately, there are a LOT of factors people grind against servers that they can't control.
Example from my closing shift Friday night:
Busy as hell, short wait at the door, understaffed on the floor, most servers have 5-7 tables, which is 2-4 per server more than normal (depending on the server's skill and ability). I had a gentleman who is very unhappy that his drinks took nearly 10 minutes to come out (this is not an uncommon thing when a bar gets a surge of tickets). In a friendly conversational way, I explained to him that due to the surge of tables, the bartenders were overwhelmed and doing everything they could to make orders as fast as possible, and while he was waiting, could I get him a complimentary soft drink or some water? I was given a brief smile, and a no thank you (he was polite about it). His drinks were finally ready, I brought them out, and at about the halfway point on each drink I would ask if he would like another round so I could avoid the delay from the bar as much as possible. He was fine with that, he never had an empty glass waiting.
I warned him when the first drink came out that the kitchen was in the same way, and would he like to go ahead and order an appetizer now so I could get the order in quickly. He ordered our Ceviche del Mar, which I rang into the computer system. A while later I checked back when bringing him another drink and a glass of water (it was his second drink, and I usually always bring some water at that point) and found that a runner had run his ceviche out to him, and he was eating it. He was pleased with it, saying he had never had a shrimp based ceviche before and liked it. I got his food order and entered it into the computer.
Fast forward. His tenderloin dish came out via runner while I was taking drink orders for another of my tables (I had 7 tables at that point, and the dining area was packed full with people crowding the bar waiting for tables). I went over to check on him, and he informed me that his tenderloin was cooked incorrectly as it was too rare. So I apologized, asked him for a reference how much more it should be cooked so I can make sure the kitchen cooked the new one enough, and put in a rush order for his new tenderloin. It was an honest kitchen error, he wanted medium well and it came out more medium rare, but it took about another 15 minutes to get a fresh one out to him.
Fast forward again, another server had run his new tenderloin out, sans steak knife. So he flagged me down while I was carrying a tray and let me know he needed one, which I immediately handed off the tray and got him a knife. He was most unhappy that he now had to wait while his food lost heat for me to get him a steak knife. Interestingly, the rest of his party were quite happy and had no problems.
All said and done, end of the night, his bill (after picking up two other tabs) was a little over $346. He rounded the total up to $347, and left me a note saying that he appreciated that I was trying, but my service was terrible and that he shouldn't have to wait for drinks or food so long to come out, and his food wasn't prepared correctly, and that I wasn't on the ball enough to make sure he got a steak knife with his meal.
I know this man was close to being an "outlier" as you put it, but in this case three separate things out of my control were assessed to me. Now tell me, of his complaints, which exactly is my fault? The bar being swamped? The kitchen not correctly cooking his food? The runner not being attentive enough to make sure a steak knife came with the plate like they were supposed to? Most people who go out to eat are, forgive me for how harsh this sounds, too ignorant of the factors that are out of a server's control, and like to blame it on the server. The only things that a server can directly control are things they have their hands on. Everything else? The best I can do it warn you or try and work around it. Tell me how I am supposed to have a glass of water out to you in 15 seconds when some other server used all of the lemons and I have to go run into the cooler and find another bucket first before bringing you that water?
What you don't understand is that even if you didn't like the service, those people are still SERVING YOU. They are bringing you drinks, they are bringing you food, they are cleaning up after you, they still have to tip out the bartenders and host at the end of the night, regardless of whether or not you tipped them. This isn't a commission based system, it's not even remotely close to that. The restaurant still made a sale, you still paid them. That man that didn't tip me? He COST me $14.
When you don't leave a tip, you are in effect stealing from that server by costing them tip-out.
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