Custody Battle
 

Hello all.

One of my reason to rejoin here is to look for support.

4 years ago, I had a daughter. I have been in a custody battle since she was 3 months old and it only continues to get worse.


My question, has anyone been through this, going through this or familiar with it?

I do not mind explaining my story... as I have nothing to hide.

I have not seen my daughter in 6 weeks as of yesterday.

Re: Custody Battle
 

I'm sorry you're going through this, Garry. I never had kids so can't help from personal experience. I did see lots of it through 30 years of law enforcement though.

I'm here for moral support, and will answer any questions that I can from my work experiences.

Re: Custody Battle
 

It is ugly. The things I am being accused of or horrendous and no father should hear these things. I won't lie, the last time I have seen my 4 yr old was November 16th... I dropped her back off to her moms, not knows that would be the last time until... Well, who knows. This holiday season has been up and down for sure. Some days I am on top of the world, others, I want to be buried.

Here in Oregon, LE is useless in this as it is a civil matter.

Tom, I greatly appreciate the support, in any form.

Re: Custody Battle
 

That sucks, Garry, to be accused of something you're innocent of is devastating. Keep your chin up, the truth will prevail.

Custody is a civil matter in Illinois too, but I had lots of experience enforcing custody agreements. So I may have some insight for you in that regard.

Re: Custody Battle
 

I had to call LE once, a few years back as she kept my daughter from me for a week... When I called LE, they told me there is nothing they can do, even if I have an order. I need to take her to court. That was heartbreaking for me as all my life, I have been taught to call the cops when in trouble, when something is not right, law wise...

It's tough, I won't lie. Some days I wonder when my end is, the final reaching point... but I have to stay to good course for my daughter, but others I am on cloud 9.

Talking in general does help, again, thanks man!

Re: Custody Battle
 

That stinks, Garry, In Illinois we had police powers including arrest when someone openly defied a valid, specific custody order. Most issues that I could not help with involved vague and sometimes contradictory orders. I'm sorry LEOs in your state don't have the same discretion.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Me too. Just a shitty system that I have jump through all these hopes, take a polygraph, have supervised parenting time, supervised exchanges... These last 4 years have been a pain with plenty of mental health issues arising.

Positive note, I would not change it as I love my daughter 200% for who she is!

Re: Custody Battle
 

I'll be "here" if I can help. Off to the gym, check up on you later.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Garry, sorry you're going through this. My parents divorced when I was 3 but I was extremely lucky that they stayed cordial and even supported each other in raising me. My Daughter is my world and I couldn't imagine going through what you must be going through. You will be in our prayers that you guys find resolution for you and your Daughter.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Thank you, I really appreciate it.



I miss this forum. It was always fun here. This, just the support from the few already means a lot.

Thank you BOTL.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Never went through this myself, but have had to assist both husbands and wives.

Not sure why you need to do supervised parenting time? For the entire visit? Are you allowed overnight visitations?

Will keep you in my prayers.

Re: Custody Battle
 

I was a weekend parent, courts orders.

The latest accusations, the court OK'd her immediate danger... They have accused me of some sick and twisted things.

Due to that, I get no more than two hours with my daughter in maybe a 30x30 room, watched the whole time. Can't even kiss her.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Is there any way to disprove the accusations?

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Child welfare is wrapping up the interviews, mine is set for next week. I've already taken a polygraph and passed.

Re: Custody Battle
 

That is good news.

Will keep you in my prayers for God-pleasing resolution.

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Thank you, greatly appreciated.

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It's really F'ed up that someone can ruin a person's reputation and entire life over baseless accusations.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Hello all... I want to try and reach out. I know I have not meant anyone from here, well maybe 2-3 yeeeears ago but I am struggling with a lot currently.

In looking at a career change, it brought to light some things I am unhappy with at current job. Still have that other job on the hook as well as I have reached out to a lot of contacts to explore my options. Working on my resume tomorrow. My work has switched insurance and I have lost my primary care doctor (30+ miles away for in-network), therapist and and behind on the meds I was prescribed to help battle these rough days. The last 2 weeks have been hell. I am a pot smoker, but I have stopped that as well, for the jobs. I am off the depression meds since I can't get to a doctor currently.

I feel like I am trapped here due to the money. I can make a change, I just don't know how I can survive at less, or if I am even making my budget correctly. I have never took a step backwards like this, but if it will help me mental state, I am willing.

I am still fighting to see my daughter. I currently have 2 hour visits with her on Monday's, but even that is a burden... I can't afford to do the 2 hours every week and when I shorten to the hour, I feel extremely crapping to cut the time with my daughter. The most recent allegations that are keeping her from me is that I molest my own child. I have pictures of her everywhere, they used to bring comfort, now they bring pain.

Sorry if this is a ramble, but to be honest, when I reach out to family, they get really concerned as none of them are closer than 6 hours. They freak out, understandable. If I use the support pages on Facebook, I do not know who is there to use that against me, as my ex had herself or someone spying there once and it was brought up in court.

I am not sure what I am trying to gain because I have also become tired of the whole, better days are coming, we are praying... Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the support but nothing is changing, for the better. I am honestly afraid of what is to come... wither it is a medical related issue from all the stress, pain going on or it I just lose it one day.

I try my hardest to stay positive, to push on so I can see my daughter, but for an hour or two a week (in a room where I can't even make contact first, I have to wait for her), it's ****ing brutal. I know she needs me, and I will not leave this earth, I am not giving up... But if I am not mentally and physically fit, then what good am I to her or anyone for that matter? I have thought plenty of times, to move, start over, still fight, give up... Again, all the thoughts that come, I know there are some that are ONLY thoughts that I will never act on but this **** is driving me nuts. I am emotional wreck with a constant pain in my gut and heart.

Again, sorry for the ramble and I don't know what I am to accomplish with this other than get it off my chest.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Hard to hear, and hopefully it does help a little just to get it off your chest. Know we are all rooting for you around here.

Something smaller to focus on and make progress, try a budget. You can find some forms and basic info here https://www.daveramsey.com/budgeting/useful-forms

They talk about regular (salary) and irregular incomes (commission) there so give it a shot. If you get stuck or have questions, ask. There are a lot of smart people around here that are willing to help.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Thanks, I will give that a look. I had planned on looking into his stuff more, without spending money though.

I have always been good with money management, but so many extra bills these days with the lawyer, visitation, etc...

Re: Custody Battle
 

Garry, I'm sorry to hear you're struggling My Friend. The pain of being apart from the most important person in your life coupled with false accusations is a tough road to hoe.

I don't have a lot of job advice as I haven't been in the job market for decades. But I can offer an ear and any support I can help with. You've got us on your side, Garry, continue to be strong and lean on us as much as you need.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Thanks Tom for the support. Appreciate you guys here.

Re: Custody Battle
 

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Re: Custody Battle
 

A big part of working through things is having the place to "vent" comfortably. What I mean by that is a place you can get it off your chest and know that it is confidential. So your recent post in which you do that is indeed therapeutic. It is necessary though to have someone to work with these medical issues with you locally. It is good that you can bend here, but that local medical help for the depression and other things is necessary.

I see someone else is already linked you to Dave Ramsey stuff in regard to budgeting, it's a good place to begin.

I don't know what your faith life is like, but I have people come to me on a regular basis to help them put their life and faith together in a manner that helps to alleviate some things. I am not a therapist, I approach things from an entirely different perspective, but pastor and therapist working together, able to share information, can make a big difference.

What I can do from here, it's great for you. Especially that God gives you the strength to endure the difficult days.

Piece of the Lord be with you.

Re: Custody Battle
 

I am in the works of trying to get my insurance figured out so I can find another therapist. That itself, the search for one stressed me out last time. It is hard to find someone to open up to, to get that relationship with... and not bounce around. I am feeling to to overwhelmed, like everything is hitting me at once.

My faith life, I am not religious by any means, more spiritual if anything. I try to have a higher power but I don't feel there is anything.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Guys, I'm struggling hard. Had court yesterday. Still don't have time with my daughter but they forced me to cover her on my insurance. I have no problem providing for her, but with the $730 in child support and close to $600 for insurance, I will have hardly any paycheck left.

I have been out of it all day just wondering how I'm going to survive in the months to come.

I have started going back to therapy.

Thanks for being a place to vent.

Re: Custody Battle
 

You are in my prayers!

Re: Custody Battle
 

Your daughter will appreciate your devotion and struggles your ex has put you through when she is old enough to understand such things.

Know that you are in the right and that many here at a minimum are rooting for an equitable outcome.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Praying For You, Garry!

Re: Custody Battle
 

Thanks guys! I did get a few things squared away yesterday to relive some stress.

Re: Custody Battle
 

:tu

Re: Custody Battle
 

please don't take this the wrong way.....first off I'd get back on the depression medication and get back to the therapist......
also I'd be very careful about what you discuss on any website as of course this could be misconstrued and used against you.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Garry, I'm glad some positive things happened yesterday, and I'm hoping the situation gets squared away in a fair manner soon.

Re: Custody Battle
 

I don't believe I ever stopped my medication and I started therapy again a few months ago.

Fully aware of where and what I express.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Garry so sorry this is happening to you. I have a friend that went through the same sort of thing. The crazy ex wife simple made a claim that he was molesting there daughter and he was guilty till he could prove innocent. He spent thousands and thousands of dollars and years fighting. He finally got through everything but it took a long time. When his daughter turned 16 she could finally see what a whack job her mom was and all the BS she had been telling her was really BS. She asked the courts to go live with her father and they agreed. It all worked out in the end but it took a long time. But they are happy and have a great relationship! I have no idea what you are feeling and how hard it must be! God loves you and he is with you through this!
You will be in my prayers!!!

Re: Custody Battle
 

Guys, UPDATE.

First off, thank you all for the support. I was in court on the 1st and got the order on my daughters birthday last week. It isn't what I was after, but a HUGE step in the right direction. I get her every other week, Friday to Monday and all the holidays are back!

I am one super happy dad again!

Re: Custody Battle
 

I love good news!

Re: Custody Battle
 

Me too! :noon:banger

Re: Custody Battle
 

Excellent news, congrats!

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Congrats Garry!

Re: Custody Battle
 

Great News, Garry!:banger:D:tu

Re: Custody Battle
 

Congrats, Garry should help make everything a little brighter!

Re: Custody Battle
 

:noon Good to hear this.

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So happy for you and your daughter, Garry!

Re: Custody Battle
 

Awesome news Garry!

Re: Custody Battle
 

That's great!

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Great news! I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. I hope things continue to improve.

Re: Custody Battle
 

Thank you all!

Re: Custody Battle
 

Great news!

Re: Custody Battle
 

Wonderful news.

God's blessings!