Why so hateful lately?
 

Is it just me that has noticed this?

While the team of eleven does an awesome job on this site, the majority of which are personal friends of mine, it seems there are folks hell bent on making it tough.

This is a community and I personally view it as family. I have made so many friends throughout the country that I have herfed with thanks to this site. Family should take care of family. Totally sucks when life imitates art and you come here for a retreat and find yourself with similar family bickering we all have in our lives at home.

I recognize this is a forum that often times calls for views and opinions. However, very many times, it frankly doesn't and ones opinion is as welcome as a hole in the head. The trick is knowing when that arises. Am I good at it? I don't think any of us are perfect but we should all keep it in the back of our minds. The trick is to also refrain from offensive adjectives such as "morons", "idiots", "gay", etc.

I can't help but notice so many instances as of late where one person discusses something they like and immediately, without welcome, someone has to make a comment of how crappy it is, how stupid it is, how you are a moron, how you must be a blind follower of a cult and on and on. Tastes vary. Budgets vary. What makes me release serotonin differs from you. If I like a BMW and you like a Yugo, why should I knock your Yugo as a piece of crap, even if it is as has been proven? What you consider fun, someone else might consider boring. I think in those instances, one should take measure to what one says and if you don't like it, don't look at it, or simply state you don't like it. Why name calling? Why bickering? I have enough of that at home and it sucks to come here and find it also.

So.......my message is simple. As I grow older (now 51) than many of the folks on this board and simultaneously wiser, I ask we all make the lives of all on this board a tad easier by thinking twice about comments/opinions that may be offensive. It is not about PC at all. It is about being courteous to someone that will likely make a great person to share a cigar with but instead, you pissed off with poorly selected and poorly thought out verbiage.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Very well said! Some people take everything much too personally and lash out, turning what should be a normal differences of opinion into personal attacks...

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Well said Carlos. The old adage about not speaking if you don't have anything nice or helpful to say is even more appropriate for forum posting where intent or "kidding" is not obvious.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

:tpd:....Nicely put Carlos

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I agree with you Carlos 100%!

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

"like" button

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Total Anonymity = Internet toughguys. I see this everywere I go weather its here, Video game forums, or comments on youtube. Its hard not to notice the general negativity on the internet, And I wonder if some people never heard the phrase "If you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all" thats how I live my life, It was one of the first things I can remember being taught by my parents. /shrug just my :2


~Kyle

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I completely agree, Carlos. I have been wondering for a bit why this board has slowed down over the last couple of months, some of the longtime members (those who were "established" back in the jungle) have left this board, and just an overall negative vibe being sent by some. I think that is one of the biggest contributing factors to this. I love this place, the TOE, and all of the members here who I interact with and hope to continue to contribute to and interact with those here. I hope that all who read the op will take it to heart and help make an already great community an even better place.

The TOE runs the asylum, but it is also the members who make this place what it is. Some who bring negative vibes do not contribute to keeping this place what it is.

Thanks for the post, Carlos.:tu

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

:tu

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

post count fluffing here, but maybe we should change the "I'm with Stupid" to be "I'm with The Above"

:tpd:


:D

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

:tpd: Well said Carlos. :tu

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

:tu

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Carlos...I concur brother!! :tu

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Thank You, Carlos. I don't really hate you, either. Even if you get that phone before me. :)
I showed Lisa the video. Another big mistake. You're really not helping me out a bit today, up till now. ;)

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I haven't seen that much hate at all, except in any thread having to do with Apple. ;)

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Well here's some love Carlos! (in a strictly platonic non-Fruedian sort of way)

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

:tu

maybe Carlos you are a bit sensitive or you are reading too much into other's comments?:confused:

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

this topic sucks :D

in all seriousness, Carlos has a point. There has been some negativity here lately, but I think it's just a phase. Cigar Asylum is hitting puberty. Things will turn positive again soon, there are too many great botl's and sotl's to let the negativity win.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I find that without the benefit of facial expression, tone of voice, and body language, many things said in jest or sarcasm on the web can be completely misconstrued. The old adage of think twice before you speak should be applied even more strenuously when typing. I am sarcastic as hell in person, but I am generally pretty careful of what I type on forums for the above reasons.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Not sensitive at all when blatant words as I posted are stated, when things are called moron, gay, stupid and so on.
It depends on what thread you open I guess.
Don't want to specifically call any of them out as not the intent of this thread.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

We had periods like this from time to time on Club Stogie as well...but in the end, Love and Brotherhood always won out. :)

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Sure has.
I love you man.
Come on down so I can insult you in person and we can smoke a cigar.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

yeah Tom. Get your ass to Florida, but do it in november when I am around. Would love to smoke with you, and we can both pick on Carlos at the same time ;)

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

You're right. I think the only thing we can agree on is that we hate the Hawks. Byfuglien especially.
FWIW Carlos, I am on other cigar boards where the things you mention are much, much worse. Maybe I'm not opening up the right threads, but I think people here are respectful and restrained.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I guess I dont gravitate to those threads because I have not seen those words(moron, gay, stupid) in any recent threads. All boards have their ebbs and flows, as new members come on board they sometimes need to "test" the waters. Others after being members for a certain period feel more comfortable voicing their opinions(no matter how wrong they might be:D). I tend not to read reviews anymore, because I know my tastes. But there are a few members whose opinions I value on any subject whether it be cigars, beer or life. I tend to seek those out and bypass the rest. :2

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I agree with Carlos. This thread though might be in reference to another thread where I posted something being 'gay'. IMO I personally feel that it was dumb. I thought we can post on this forum without reproach. If it offended others I apologize but I was just posting how I felt about the topic.

If others feel the same way and are offended then sorry. I'll refrain from posting where others might be offended.

Carlos I'll PM you shortly.
Posted via Mobile Device

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I think that this happens from time to time on the best of boards.

My thinking is that the more it is tolerated or ignored, the more it takes hold.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Jay stop being so g.. uhm silly...

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Carlos my brother, I would take this personally, if I could take a hint. :r

In all seriousness, I feel the line between busting somebody's chops and busting their 'nads may indeed be crossed on occasion, here and in "real" life. But I myself tend to take everything said on the 'net with the whole cellar of salt. If something cheeses me off, I try to simply take a breath and let it go.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Jay,
Don't even think twice about it.
Now I feel like I owe you the apology.
I swear I didn't mean to call out anyone and if I selected a word for this example that brought you out, that is not what I wanted.
I just used that one word as an example.
It is not about that one word. It is just a message to all to just think before you post.
I personally am not offended but I can see how some are.
I have chosen to bring something to light just to make sure it doesn't go the wrong path.

Right on point.
I have a relatively thick skin so my life goes on just dandy. I am not offended and not the reason for this thread.
If this thread makes each and every one of us think for a moment and remember it occasionally, it served the intent.
As someone else posted, things get lost behind a keyboard and often times misunderstood. From there, complicated further as emotions fly.
Just bringing some light to it.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I haven't really noticed anything but I really haven't been on too much the last few weeks just due to lack of free time to jump on the web. This is by far my favorite message board just because everyone is so down to earth and doesn't cut each other down for their opinion and is so friendly to each other. I think in general written words can be taken wrong just because it is hard to tell the tone of a post by just reading what the poster wrote and this a lot of times leads to misinterpretation and can lead to hard feelings when the original message is meant in good fun. Hell I know I have done it with a friend on another board who lives local and sometime I'll call him and be like WTF? Why are you cutting me down on the board? He would than explain it and more often than not I interpreted the tone wrong but sometimes he was being a d*ck.:r All in all I think the Asylum has a great group. Not nearly the BS that goes on, on other BBs.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

That sounds like a definite plan, Gents. :D

I love me some Byfuglien.....I was reading about him today when I went into the bathroom to take a nice big Pronger. :)

For the most part, yes, Jay....but we don't allow slang that is offensive based on gender, race or sexual orientation. Some of them slip bu the ToE, but if we see them, they get zapped. Hope you understand. :)

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

You two wanna kiss and make up now or is that too .... aw man I'm just beggin to get banned :r

I gotcha.
Posted via Mobile Device

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I didn't realize it until this moment that this thread has served to prove a point that some may have missed while others see as clear as day.

If one reads all the posts you will note some agree while some don't in terms of the original post.
If you then consider what most large companies repeatedly preach to their employees, you will understand it does not matter what YOU think about what you said or did.
What matters is how what you said is interpreted by the person perceiving it.

Again, for me, not a big issue as I don't see where I could ever be offended by what one types but truly intended to just bring light that not everyone feels the same and not everyone perceives things as you do.

Just a bit of employee HR training for CA at no charge.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Great post Carlos.


Rule #3 here at Cigar Asylum starts off saying:

Have fun here and practice respect and tolerance with others. Respect is the key word.

Often times many of the really offending posts are removed rather quickly by one of the admins before the masses even see them (it helps with 11 of us). We dont get them all, but we try.

We try to treat everyone like the adults they are and many times turn a "blind eye" of sorts to somewhat borderline posts. Of course, "borderline posts" is the way we see them but they may be actually offensive to some while meaning nothing to another. We cant make everyone happy, so we leave it up to the individual to decide if they want to keep reading the post/thread or not.

In a perfect world we would all get along. Unfortunately its not a perfect world, and Cigar Asylum is part of that imperfect world we all live in. Individuals will argue, not like another member for what ever reasons, etc. here, just like in real life.

All I can suggest is to "be the better man". Easier said than done I know, and sometimes being the better man doesn't always mean being right.
I'm sure you'll feel better about yourself in the end though and have a more enjoyable time here in this place we call home.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Well stated, Kelly (as always).

There are some topics that just seem to, by their nature, invite people to forget the old adage about opinions and assholes. By not allowing politically-related content, that cuts out a lot of these opportunities, but some people will still find ways to pound us with whatever point they think is so crucial for us to know and agree on.

Sometimes, those types of posts remind me of the blathering vitriol you'll find reading the comments section of any recent news story or blog--often nearly incoherent internet badasses who feel the need to belittle everyone who disagrees with them, regardless of the amount of reflection and analysis (or lack thereof) they've put into whatever opinion they hold so staunchly. It's disappointing that that kind of thing happens here occasionally (and I do think it is merely occasionally--I think that posts here are overwhelmingly positive).

But the good thing is that, if patterns hold true (and they usually do), the people who make those kinds of posts usually realize that's not how things are done here and either conform to the standards and norms of the community or find themselves somewhere else to hang out and spout off.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

You obviously don't know Carlos! :r

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

As was told to me long ago by a very wise woman (mom). It's not the action that will get you in trouble, but the reaction.

Now this applies to an extent, because obviously ALL people need to be held accountable for their actions, but also their reactions.

The internet will be the internet. This thread sparks some paranoia in my own mind because of certain events that transpired. And by no means am I pretending to be innocent, but I'm also not alone in my guilt. That wise woman above also said "It takes two to tango."

There will always be quarrels, differing of opinions, spiteful remarks and things said that become personal whether intentional or unintentional. The fine line in all this is intent. It's also the hardest to decipher from internet conversation. Things can scale to a point where the argument is no longer about the topic, but more of pride, or job, or family.

In the end it's all useless banter. And in the end what matters is how you come away from it. Whether by offering amends, or simply walking away all together. In a community that many refer to as family, the latter imo is rather ridiculous.

And to the person who reads this... and he knows who he is. Offer is still on the table.

My .02 from the unwise age of 24.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I try to base all my interactions here on one fact and that it is that I never know who I am going to meet in person next. I've herfed with a bunch of you guys and I wouldn't say anything on here I wouldn't be comfortable saying to someone's face or that would make me uncomfortable about if I happen to meet someone in person after. :2

Like these guys above said, respect is what it's all about. Carlos thanks for the reminder.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

November herf in Florida at Carlos's?!?
:banger

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

I never intended to disrespect anyone. It was a term that was used just to refer to the new fad...that's all. Yes I could've used another term at the time but that's the one that I used. I apologized before for using it. It wasn't directed at any one person or group. Next time I'll just chose my words more carefully.

I respect each and everyone here. Even if I have herfed with you or not, you are all grown men (and women) who should be respected the same way I would expect to be respected (not saying I have been disrespected).

Hopefully this ends soon because I really feel like crap now.;s

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

bashing and offensive language should be perfectly acceptable in the Apple thread

;)

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

HEY!!! I like my Yugo even if you think it's a piece of crap...and you can stick your BMW...as far as your post, it was pretty moronic...:r:r

Hi, Carlos...http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2006-...87-moon-vi.gif http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2006-...ingoutloud.gif

PS - j/k...don't really have a Yugo...http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2006-...ingoutloud.gif

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

:tu:banger-(P

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Great post Carlos, I noticed the changes quite a while ago and should have posted about it instead of walking away.:tu

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

:tpd: but to be nice he ain't stupid! I mean sometimes we don't agree and say so but I have not seen much of anything extreme at all. As someone else mentioned it does look to me like the posts have dropped way off in the past couple of months, especially from some of the long standing members but don't think it is "hate" just figured it to be burnout or something.:2

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

It is really interesting to see the specific reaction to Apple. As I am in IT (and an iPhone developer), I see it all the time. For some reason, which I really don't want to debate ;), there is polar love/hate thing that goes on with Mac/PC and now iPhone/Android. In technology forums, any comment thread is littered with hate in one direction or the other. I just amazes me how passionate people get about a damn phone or computer :confused:

The difference here is that these are side topics to our main reason for being here. I hope the trust and respect on this board can buffer those other topics some. Hate to have them banned like the political threads are.

Now, who says NC's are as good as CC's? You must be crazy :r :r

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

Some folks have stated it seems posts have dropped off recently, and it has a bit. Not much really, but it has.

But if you look at May '09 compared to May '10, its almost identical.

Re: Why so hateful lately?
 

And fix chat threads...;s
This is a cigar forum, but most of the participation comes from categories not related to cigars nowadays. Nothing wrong with that at all, as long as we remember that cigars are the common bond that brought us all together.:tu
That was me, Kelly. I didn't look at actual post counts, and it may be just my imagination that the site has slowed down a bit in participation and discussion. It may just be me, but there used to be days when I could spend a couple of hours on this site in discussion, but lately I can spend less than an hour and cover most of the site. Not that that's a bad thing. I post too much anyway.:)





EDIT: Upon review of this post, it seems like my thoughts may be seen as a bit negative. I didn't intend for them to be taken that way. Just to let everyone know that I do love this place! Best thing on the intranets!:wo