It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

So there I was, sitting in the corner, smoking a Cohiba Diplomatic lancero that I received as a gift from my friend who had just vacated his chair to talk to a man about a horse, when I spied Klugs entering the joint with his friend ....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

and while I had no idea Klugsie was buddies with Carrot Top, I figured, "What the hell, you aren't supposed to judge a book by it's cover," so I gave Carrot Tops companion a bye for the night.

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

... an albino... with a noticeable limp. They scanned the bar, searching for a friendly face. Klugs' gaze moves to my corner. As his eyes adjusted to the relative darkness, I realized the albino was in fact - Carrot Top! :D

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Ready to write Carrot Top off as a poseur trying to swim in Klugs' wake, he opens up a Haliburton cigar box, only to reveal that it is filled pack full of....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Gurkhas. Gurkhas and Acids.

I knew then that he had me. Anyone who could stomach those flavors could easily withstand what I was having for dinner...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Jack Daniels on me cheerios when in between a mouth full a cheerios and Jack and a puff of Gurkha nastyness a noise that awakened me from my pathetic trance to a sight worst than...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

....Rosie O'Donnell's colon X-ray. Which showed, besides the aftermath of several visits a day to Taco Bell, a strange substance which could only be described as....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

a gift from the colonel, you guessed it a bucket of chicken but that's only hiding the love child of her undying affection for a brother we all know as

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Tecnorobo. Little did He know she was attracted to males again. Since he wanted to get out of this story as quickly as possible, he tried redirecting her attention by quickly pointing her to carrot top and klugs. Upon seeing them she screamed...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

"Is that you, kwagga?" Klugs replied . . .

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

"No, it's me, Anon-y-mouse!" He quickly removed his klugs costume and revealed his true rodent self. He then turned to Rosie only to discover...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

....that Rosie had morphed into an alien that resembled Howie Mandel, and he began to chase the rodent around like....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

a .. a ..... the stench was overwhelming ....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

a Shack Herfer scrambling for a 1492. :) At which point Rosie turns to Klugs and screams . ..

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Klugs, You anon-y-mouse You, I have my secrets as well... I'm a poster at cs named...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

....Legend, and I am the most interesting man in the World!! Have you ever heard my theory on....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

all greatness springing from one origin - me, and of course dispensed only ..

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

...by local B&Ms....ones specifically owned by...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

At times such as these. At this very moment Tecnorobo wretched in his mouth. You see, he had just pieced together that a howie mandell like alien who disguised itself as rosie o'donnell who disguised herself as a wise male on a cigar forum was madly in love with him. Not only that but it's bowels were full of kfc.

At this very instant anon-y-mouse ran out and stood on top of carrot tops head where he announced "this is all very cute, but if you don't hand over CA's members cigar collections in their entirety to me, I'm going to be forced to show this picture of seangar and tecnorobo iceskating together to seangar's employer"

Seanger immediately stood up from his bar stool (relatively undisturbed up until this point) and said "you wouldn't dare!"

The air was quieted only to...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

...others in the thread wondering what the %&*# Blake was talking about. Thankfully, the Most Interesting Man in the World explained that Blake had a disorder commonly known as....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

GTS.

Legend spied my cigar and came over to take a look.

Hmmm .. he scratched his head ... 'that come from the internet?'

Just then my friend came back from his bathroom break. Anon-Y-Mouse was the only one to recognize him and started squeaking "Rushbo, Rushbo, come over here and sign my tail".

Legend repeated his questions ... "that from the internet? that from the internet? that from the internet? that from the internet?"

Rushbo looked over ..."no son, Fidel and I are close personal friends .. he gave me that cigar last month. We usually play racquetball a few times a year".

Legend looked over aghast .... "you're friends with Castro? How dare you .. he's a commie pinko.

Why ... I'm going to ..."

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

....Why ... I'm going to ...Im going to wash that man right outta my hair, and send him on his way...."

That is when Bruce appeared with Liza Minelli on his arm, and proceeded to....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

... sing show tunes. Frickin show tunes. As if my headache wasn't bad enough as it was.

But I have a secret cure for headaches. You see, all you do is ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

....go over to Bigwaved Dave's house and....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

kdnfkosonfuueofnos1%@65!
08jafdsnun!-923!....
FAiivn!

(sorry, the gts kicked in... all those involuntary movements are tough to control when typing)...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

...with one hand because the other hand is busy...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

....grab Dave with the hand that isn't choking Technorobo and....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

tell him to take a load off. Little did I know that Dave was in a literal mood. In fact, he ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

took a load off Fannie, as she was delivering the food order, and particularly deftly placed the plate of steaming hot star meat onto the placemat in front of Rushbo.

Rushbo was the first to dig in, using his fork to pull out a fine example of the star meat.

Anon-Y-Mouse reacted in horror, his little nose twitching as he sniffed like a hooker in the bathroom at a Grateful dead concert, "my GOD, you FIEND, thats my Cousin CLEM" he yelled.

Technorobo twitched, blurting out "aplatz hauyt tewe?".

Just as Rushbo was about to speak, a UFO landed in the parking lot outside. Two small green aliens entered the restaurant as everyone stood in shock. The one on the right raised its right hand, pointing directly at Anon-Y-Mouse and said .....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

"How do you do, my name is Sue!"

It turned out that they were a Johnny Cash cover band.

But enough of that. Just at that moment, the side door opened and who would walk in but ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Fidel Castro himself, supported on one side by ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

The Dark Lord. It turns out he was trying to get ahold of a particular habano that was exclusively released to Fidel Castro alone. The two aliens were not amused and proceeded to attack anon-y-mouse exclaiming "You tried attacking our leader, you know, the Howie Mandell look alike and we simply cannot allow such hostility"...

Amidst all of the confusion a loud "SILENCE!!" poured out of the mouth of...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Legend ..... he looked squarely at Castro and asked him .... "are internet Habanos the same as B&M habanos?". Castro looked back and laughed .... and said ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Yo no hablo Inglés, que cerdo!

Which Legend translated as, "Whatever Legend says is true."

Suddenly, Dave had had enough and decided to head for a country-western bar down the street named ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Sesame. Little did Dave know that Three aliens (one of them resembling Howie Mandell), anon-y-mouse, Legend, Fidel Castro, The Dark Lord, Tecnorobo, Seangar, Rushbo, and a host of others were following him. Before Dave realized what was taking place behind him, a giant yellow bird that oddly resembled "Big Bird" stopped him and said...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Hey .. aren't you Rick Nielsen?

Before anybody could move, Klugs ripped a guitar out of a nearby roadie's hands and started singing ....

"Mother told me, yes, she told me I'd meet birds like you"

Rushbo interrupted, in his most sarcastic voice "Uh .... didn't Robin Zaaaaander sing that paaaaart?"

To which Klugsie/Nielson said "you mean MY FAVORITE LEAD SINGER IN THE WHOLE WORLD?"

As the bird was readying a response, the doors to the Sesame opened up and there stood Angelina Jolie and Jessica Alba. Alba, in a sultry voice, asked Klugs:

"Damn it, Dave ... why must you keeping me waiting?"

Dave blushed ... and said ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

"0100100100100000011011000110111101110110011001010 01000000111100101101111011101010010000001001010011 00101011100110111001101101001011000110110000100100 0000100000101101100011000100110000100101110"

Turns out that Dave/Ricky is actually a robot and was responding in the only language he knew when his circuits were overloaded.

All of a sudden, there was a massive FLASH and in an instant...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

...Elvis Presley appeared from a colud of smoke and said "I like you, Klugs/Nielsen/Robot.....always have...always will!"

And with that, the CheapTrick Cyborg Klugsinator lifted his shirt, only to reveal....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

That zemekone was operating him like a puppet. Bwahahaha, I'm Dave's Mini Me, cried Gerry as he rush towards Jessica Alba only to run smack into Tom's ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

gurhka immensissimo ... the longest cigar in the world at 2.1 meters.

As zemekone was falling, the dark lord swept over him and reached Jessica ..... "oooh", she cooed, "I've always wanted a man with a prosthesis".

Legend attempted to push the dark Lord aside "I have a prosthesis too .. but mine is from a B&M".

Unfortunately, he ignored the fact that the dark lord carries a light saber. The dark lord spun around, his cape waving like the fat pasty lady wearing an outfit three sizes too small on the front of a carnival cruise liner, as he fired his light saber and ....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

realized that it's a light saber, not a gun, so nothing happened. How could he be so stupid. But he had one last trick to play and reached into his spandex for ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

... a purple, glowing, pulsating, almost cartoonishly large ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

eggplant. That's right, his secret identity is Kapitan Eggplant, scourge to evil everywhere.

Eggplant in hand, he paused, on hand on his hip, to proclaim ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

..."I am the Eggman...I am the Eggman...I am the Walrus, Koo Koo Kachoo"!

This for some strange reason enraged puppet powered Gerry/Klugs/Nielsen, who proceeded to....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

breakdance

that's right, breakdance. Everyone started shouting "bust a move, bust a move". Good thing he was wearing his MC Hammer parachute pants, because otherwise, when he did that one really wild move, he might have ...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

exposed his eggplant. That right, he was Kaptain Eggplant's sidekick, Parmeseana Boy. His name really had two meanings, as besides his purple eggplant appendage, he also had....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

purple rain. In a jar. In fact, Parmeaseana Boy--had he actually been able to touch this--was in fact the CA Poster Formerly Known as

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Zemekone. In fact Gerry had always been known as Zemekone. At this point the real klugs stepped into the scene. He was certainly amused to find that Zemekone was stealing his identity using a robot suit. Dave's eyes didn't stay there for long.

"JESSICA ALBA?" He yelled. Dave knew exactly what was going on here. Zemekone was trying to use Dave's identity to get to Jessica. Everyone knows that she secretly has the hots for Dave and his habano collection.

Just as Dave was about to make his move on Jessica, Tecnorobo had a gts inspired twitch, slapped Tom and yelled...

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

"OKLO uot hebinedh uyo"

Tom yelled back "what the hell is wrong with you, boy!" and slapped him back .. immediately curing Technorobo of his GTS.

"Look out behind you" newly cured Technorobo yelled.

Tom spun around quickly to see .....

Re: It was a dark and stormy night CA Short Story
 

Kwagga.

That's right, Kwagga decided to come back and honor everyone with his mad cigar reviewing skills and extensive knowledge of plagiarism ... uh, er, I mean ... knowledge of fine Habanos and the information that can be found on the internet.

Kwagga took a deep breath, gestured with his right hand, and...