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-   -   BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever (http://www.cigarasylum.com/vb/showthread.php?t=12005)

mrreindeer 03-13-2009 02:02 PM
BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Okay, so I'm old & married but I thought us senior citizens could lend a hand & help out the younger BOTL's with some of our best pick-up lines.

So I'll go first:

"Hey, there's a party in your shoes and your pants are invited to come on down!"

Look, it got me married & expecting a kid didn't it? Okay, not that one but you know, I'm full of 'em.

Mugen910 03-13-2009 02:02 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Me: Did it hurt?!?!?
Her: Huh?
Me: When you fell from heaven!

If I said you have an awesome body...would you hold it against me?

If we went alone to the woods and I made a move would you tell anyone?

Are your pants made of mirrors? I can see myself in them.

Does you face hurt? Cuz it's killing me! :r (not really a pickup line)

Me: You are mean!!!
Her: Why?
Me: I can already see you breaking my heart!

massphatness 03-13-2009 02:11 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Me: It's a good thing Bao has a girlfriend.

Mugen910 03-13-2009 02:13 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by massphatness (Post 286050)
Me: It's a good thing Bao has a girlfriend.
true!!! I'd still be a virgin like Mr. Reindeer.. :(

Nabinger16 03-13-2009 02:13 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
If you were a screen door, I would slam you all night long!

You must be a General, cause you're making my privates stand at attention!

mrreindeer 03-13-2009 02:18 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
From the AWESOME T.V. show "Millionaire Matchmaker"....something along the lines of:

Guy: "Hi, you know, not to brag or anything, but I've got a LOT of money. Do you like to go shopping? Because I like to pamper a woman and take her shopping and give her the enjoyment that I receive being in her company. And some guys really mind if it seems you're after their money. I don't. You don't have to do anything like cooking or cleaning, you can just spend my money. And I have a lot of it."

Girl: "But I like to cook and clean."

Guy: "Oh, well, you don't have to, is all I'm saying."

Ok, now youngins...I'm not suggesting you use this line. No, definitely don't use this line.

mrreindeer 03-13-2009 02:19 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mugen910 (Post 286052)
true!!! I'd still be a virgin like Mr. Reindeer.. :(
:c

Okay, it's true. And Mean D is the father of our child, I guess.

Mugen910 03-13-2009 02:21 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrreindeer (Post 286061)
:c

Okay, it's true. And Mean D is the father of our child, I guess.
that poor poor child...didn't even have a chance at a good looks then..




You must be a speeding ticket...because you got FINE written all over you!!
:tu

LookAtBigErn82 03-13-2009 02:33 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
"Lets go back to my place and play army. I'll lay down and you can blow me away."

"If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, would it be ok if I came and visited you during the holidays?"

Whee 03-13-2009 02:35 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
You must be milk, cuz you do my body good!

I feel a little dirty now...:lv

MedicCook 03-13-2009 02:35 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
I was always partial to Butthead's pick up line.

"Hey baby! I got a beer!"

Nabinger16 03-13-2009 02:41 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
This one always cracked me up.

Wanna come back to my house and do some Maths? You can add the bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we'll multiply.

Commander Quan 03-13-2009 02:47 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really we'll, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.

GKitty 03-13-2009 02:50 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
...
:lv

Whee 03-13-2009 03:01 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GKitty (Post 286108)
...
:lv
It's amazing we can even reproduce based on these, isn't it?:r

MedicCook 03-13-2009 03:04 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
A wedding ring and pictures of kids also seems to work... so I have heard.

skullnrose 03-13-2009 03:10 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
For the record I am not Fred Flintstone but I sure would love to make your Bedrock!

Hot buns... and I know this ain't no bakery

karmaz00 03-13-2009 03:19 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
some good ones

tunes 03-13-2009 03:34 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Using your index finger to call her over say; I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

and in honor of the up coming holiday - I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some? :D

tobii3 03-13-2009 03:48 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LookAtBigErn82 (Post 286079)
"If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, would it be ok if I came and visited you during the holidays?"
BETWEEN THE HOLIDAYS!!!

Damn...you young'ns can't get a simple pickup line right!!!

:r

tunes 03-13-2009 03:49 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tobii3 (Post 286188)
BETWEEN THE HOLIDAYS!!!

Damn...you young'ns can't get a simple pickup line right!!!

:r

:r:r:r:r

WildBlueSooner 03-13-2009 03:58 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
- Your Dad must be a farmer..cause you have some great melons!
-Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
-I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
-If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
-Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
- Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?

MithShrike 03-13-2009 04:16 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Hey you're taller than I am, wanna ****?

That worked for me once. Seriously.

Cigary 03-13-2009 06:44 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Do you work at subway??? because you just gave me a footlong!!!

i’m blind, can you hold my stick and show me where to go?

Do u work for Cingular? Cuz you’re raising my bar.

BamBam 03-13-2009 06:59 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
The word of the day is "Legs"...spread the word

smokeyandthebandit05 03-13-2009 07:03 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Man I love these!!! Keep em comin, Im taking notes!

CBI_2 03-13-2009 07:31 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Commander Quan (Post 286105)
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really we'll, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
Dang! Supposed to be trying to pick her up not put her to sleep. :dance: :D

My wife says with all of these lines in this thread, it's a wonder anyone ever got any.

You may like: "The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name."

Sailkat 03-13-2009 07:40 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
:sleep: :sleep: :sleep: :sleep:

GreekGodX 03-13-2009 08:03 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Walk up to a woman, check the label of her shirt. "Ahah, just as I thought, MADE IN HEAVEN"!

Hey baby your ass looks like a keg, how bout you let me tap that!

GUY: *make sound like an ambulance
Girl: What is that noise?
GUY: It's the ambulance coming to pick me up because you took my breath away.

Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!

Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

And my all time favorite.
I only have 3 months to live..

Kreth 03-13-2009 08:09 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.

MedicCook 03-13-2009 08:11 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kreth (Post 286494)
It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
We have a winner!!

Curly Cut 03-13-2009 08:14 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kreth (Post 286494)
It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
:tu
-----



wanna go halves on a bastard?

replicant_argent 03-13-2009 08:17 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
when you go to the State Fair....



Look around......



Look at all the kids...



With hideous desperate mommies....




and you know why some of these work......




:D

HK3- 03-13-2009 08:19 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by WildBlueSooner (Post 286209)
- Your Dad must be a farmer..cause you have some great melons!
-Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
-I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
-If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
-Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
- Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
That's sweet! I'm still laughing my ass off! :r:r

ahc4353 03-13-2009 08:19 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sailkat (Post 286453)
:sleep: :sleep: :sleep: :sleep:
OK sleepy, let's hear from a women what works. :D

macpappy 03-13-2009 09:20 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Who needs pickup lines?
Three weeks ago my son and I go out for a drink at a local bar. We sit down, light our cigars and 20 minutes later a women who claimed she was a professional barrel racer sat down next to me and tried to pick me up. She started by saying, "That cigar smells good..."

Last week, my son and I went to a different bar. Grabbed a table in the corner and a pitcher of beer. The table next to us has a really hot brunette with very nice tattoos covering parts of her body made visible by a very low cut crop top t-shirt. When her boyfriend leaves, she turns around, puts her hands on my leg and tells me she likes my cigar and my t-shirt (I was wearing a freaking t-shirt I bought at wally word, for gods sake).

It must have been the cigars....

replicant_argent 03-13-2009 09:23 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by macpappy (Post 286559)
Who needs pickup lines?
Three weeks ago my son and I go out for a drink at a local bar. We sit down, light our cigars and 20 minutes later a women who claimed she was a professional barrel racer sat down next to me and tried to pick me up. She started by saying, "That cigar smells good..."

Last week, my son and I went to a different bar. Grabbed a table in the corner and a pitcher of beer. The table next to us has a really hot brunette with very nice tattoos covering parts of her body made visible by a very low cut crop top t-shirt. When her boyfriend leaves, she turns around, puts her hands on my leg and tells me she likes my cigar and my t-shirt (I was wearing a freaking t-shirt I bought at wally word, for gods sake).

It must have been the cigars....
I thought they just made gas pumps prepay.....;)

DrDubzz 03-13-2009 10:57 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
uh... is your father a meat burgler?

cause it looks like he stole two fine hams and stuck them in the back of your pants

- Leon Phelps

mrreindeer 03-16-2009 11:17 AM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Commander Quan (Post 286105)
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really we'll, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
I love it. :r:r

Quote:
Originally Posted by tobii3 (Post 286188)
BETWEEN THE HOLIDAYS!!!

Damn...you young'ns can't get a simple pickup line right!!!
:r

Quote:
Originally Posted by WildBlueSooner (Post 286209)
-Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Too damn funny! I've never heard this one!

ade06 03-16-2009 11:26 AM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
I got my own trailer...
(A girl I knew in college told me someone hit her with that one and no, it did not work)

TheRealBonger 03-16-2009 11:57 AM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
How much does a penguin weigh? Just enough to break the ice.

GhostRyder 03-16-2009 04:06 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
"Pursuant to Megan's Law, I am obligated to tell you that I am a convicted sex offender."

Props to Tucker Max... I laughed so hard when I read that he actually used this line on a girl.

tobii3 03-16-2009 04:15 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Using the guise of plausible denial....

""Nice a$$....get in the truck""

And I can neither confirm nor deny that it works.

:D

WildBlueSooner 03-16-2009 04:20 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
I have some more....
-Can I read your T shirt in brail?
- Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.
- You've got 206 bones in your body. Want one more?
- I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock
-Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
- I'm a necrophiliac. How good are you at playing dead?
:)

LooseCard 03-16-2009 07:15 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by macpappy (Post 286559)
Who needs pickup lines?
Three weeks ago my son and I go out for a drink at a local bar. We sit down, light our cigars and 20 minutes later a women who claimed she was a professional barrel racer sat down next to me and tried to pick me up. She started by saying, "That cigar smells good..."

Last week, my son and I went to a different bar. Grabbed a table in the corner and a pitcher of beer. The table next to us has a really hot brunette with very nice tattoos covering parts of her body made visible by a very low cut crop top t-shirt. When her boyfriend leaves, she turns around, puts her hands on my leg and tells me she likes my cigar and my t-shirt (I was wearing a freaking t-shirt I bought at wally word, for gods sake).

It must have been the cigars....

I just want to know what you've been smoking...???!!!!:tu

hotreds 03-16-2009 07:24 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
I'm getting old! If I had used most of those in my day I would be sitting in jail now!

Sailchaser 03-16-2009 07:25 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Have you ever seen the fore peak of an ocean racer

macpappy 03-16-2009 07:50 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LooseCard (Post 290433)
I just want to know what you've been smoking...???!!!!:tu
Illusione 888. Both times.

Joseph 08-21-2009 03:07 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
the next time a girl touches you like that look in her eyes...


you'll see dollar signs floating around :P

SchizoFilly 08-21-2009 03:25 PM
Re: BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
 
That (dress, shirt, bikini, or whatever she's wearing) is very becoming on you....of course if I was on you I'd be cumming too

If we were both squirrels would you let me bust my nut in your hole?

never worked for me, but your results may vary


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