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My fingers got a red spot,

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But I soon realized,

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as the ash fell on my thighs,

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My cigar had been filled up with pot!

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My dog took to chasing a squirrel,

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Normally, with this, I have no quarrel

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But in the middle of the tree

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A limb unexpectedly fell on ME!

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and gave my head quite a twirl.

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The water in my cup just rippled,

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Is it a T-Rex or have I just tippled?

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So I turned to my friend,

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Expecting to meet our end...

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My expectations of doom had just tripled.

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Whilst eating my peanut butter and cheese,

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I let out a God awful sneeze...

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I splattered my screen...

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with yellow and green,

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Could you hand me a napkin, PLEASE?! :D

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My car needed a change of oil...

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As the old stuff had started to boil,

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My hands and shirt got all dirty

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Wife came out and got flirty

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and we did it, there on the topsoil

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New:

I was told about fine cigars

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while shopping one day for cars

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it was rolled on the thigh

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Of a sweaty Irish guy,

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Now you know why I frequent Belfast's bars! :D

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Your mother just called on the phone...

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To tell you about the sweater she had sewn,

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She asked about assless chapps and nipple clamps...

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And why Woflgang has menstrual cramps,

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:sw :r

Next time ill think before answering the the phone.




new one


I once met this girl in a bar.......

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Who looked really hot from afar,

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I realized ive had too much beer and shouldnt go near

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Because up close her head was shaped like a jar!

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NEW:

Playing a nice game of hopscotch,

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My opponent tried to raise it a notch...

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And thinking he was slick

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He attempted a foolhardy trick...

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and severely that trick he did botch

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I can't wait for the end of the week...

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when the wine that I'm aging will peak.

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with cork or with bung

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it will tantalize my tongue

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And cause all my tastebuds to freak!

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I think of the Asylum as home,

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though, at times, my grey cells tend to roam.

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I'll post random banter,